I have let the stbx violate the restraining order and talk to me. When he is talking in my ear, I can't think sanely. I swear he could tell the world is square and I would believe him. Why? I don't understand why I let this happen. I am so confused I don't even know if I love him or if I ever did. I feel guilty becasue I have let him believe that I will go back, if he does this and that. But I know that I am not going to go back. When I think about that, I picture my babies dead and I just can't let him hurt us. He says he will change and that everything will be better but right now they aren't. I haven't seen any change other than he has gotten meaner with his mouth. He makes wild accusations about me being with someone else. Trust me, I have no desire to be with anyone. I feel guilty because I am happier being away from him than I ever was with him. I am not afraid to go to sleep at night. No one is here to hit me or say mean things to me, that is unless I answer his calls. I feel guilty because I am not going back. I want to end our rollercoaster ride. How do I safely tell him this?
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