I just came home from meeting a girlfriend for dinner, and my house is so cold and empty. I didn't sign up for this! I wanted to be married; I wanted to worry about how I was going to take care of my 80 yr old husband (in 40 years). I wanted home to be the gathering place. Now look and things. I'm alone and miserable; I want my husband back. Shit, I know I don't want that, but I want my married life back. Can someone please find me a good man. No, scratch that too. Okay just help me be happy with me, without me being miserable at myself and hating who I am. All this self doubt and unvented anger/pain/loneliness is eating me alive! And the rain isn't helping! The Pacific NW sucks during winter. Well, at my current state of being everything sucks this winter
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This is sort of a ramble:So I woke up miserable today. I have this loop in my thoughts and that loop keeps me in the negative or extreme positive thought process. There is an in-between but these days I feel like mostly I'm in the negative process. I can't stop having negative thoughts about my life. I keep going back and forth between virtuous and vicious cycles and its frustrating. ...