Speechless

Good luck to you. I understand what you are going through. Unfortunately it does take the dedication of the other spouse as well and if that is not there, then for me it will never work out. I still hold onto some hope that we will be able to work it all out, but I have less hope each day. Luckily I am growing in my independence and that helps me to face the future.

I understand, and often feel the same way. Isn't it frigthening ??

This is an inspiration. To have such a positive outlook on the situation and not be spiteful in anyway with what you wrote of your feelings.

How can I explain this?
It is not like I just fold down and simply forgive my husband for his cheating, I just understand a lot of the reasons why this all has happened. I am just as guilty as he is, not cheating but in other ways, for the brek-down of our marriage. Amongst other things I've been blind as a bat and taking this whole marriage as well as him for granted for a long time.
When this all started in August my whole world ended. I couldn't understand what happened, how he could behave so out of character and how I could've been so wrong about him all this time. I thought I knew him very well and knew how his mind works, and suddenly he turns out to be someone else.
He isn't someone else anymore, just like I am not the person I've been behaving like the last couple of months. I can finally see why he has done a lot of things the way he has done them. This whole mess is like a chain of events, hurt feelings, guilt, anger and mistakes. Some we could have prevented, some happened because of the persons we are, and some were due to cirumstances out of our control.
The point is that I finally can understand, and am so incredibly relieved that I wasn't wrong about him all these years. This doesn't solve our problems and it doesn't fix my own head nor my situation. Thats up to me to work on, not anybody else. I am not completely alone anymore, stbx will be there to help out with things, I have found a couple of good close friends in RL and this website with all of you will have to continue saving me for some time.
I'm just so incredibly relieved that I didn't waste my life on a stranger like I thought for a while. I know him and he is the man I married and love, with the values, character and mind that I always thought. He is not a monster or a stranger.
So many other people has been/are married to spouses that turned out to be strangers they dont know. Im just so relieved that I'm not.

Thanks LF. You are blessed.

LF, very well spoken. My H & I have also reconcilled this last week. We know that it is going to be a LONG road to hoe. There are LOTS of issues that has to be worked on. We KNOW that we are still VERY MUCH in love with each other & want things to work. We will try. If it doesn't work, I can walk away, although sad & heartbroken, but with the dignity, & self-respect that I TRIED with everything I had to make it work & it didn't. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU & YOUR H :)

I am hoping to come to this point at the end of all of this. It is a sad and scary feeling. I appreciate your honest and that you have found this peace.

Is it too many words spoken (and unspoken) over the years or perhaps too much trust lost. Or, maybe we just change too much and grow apart. And all the while, we come to know the other almost like we know ourselves. We are only in control of ourselves. The problem is ... we sometimes lose control.

WOW...that's deep. very very deep. to be able to forgive and move forward with the same person who destroyed your life....am i that strong? do i have that inside me? i am in awe of your...ability. i too have looked and looked and thought to myself - is this the man i loved? how can this be the man i loved? how could i have been so blind and wrong? there are no easy answers. there is no easy road. i FIRMLY believe that if 2 people can come to the realization that the other is worth the effort, worth the struggle, worth the love, sweat and tears...then it is ALWAYS better to try. it's hard to lose your lover and best friend at the same time. sometimes...honestly, i feel that sometimes people just go off the deep end & they themselves have no idea why. i've said it before, i'll say it again... it takes 2 to tango. unless the perosn you are with is a complete and utter shit...no one person is ever completely, soley, 100% responsible for the breakup. each of us has issues, some are worse than others. i have recognized mistakes i made which contributed, tho on a smaller scale, but nonetheless, contributed to the ending of our relationship. if you have the chance and it is a TRUE chance, to put the pieces back together again...i'll help you buy the glue. i wish you all the love & luck in the world!

Wish my ex was like you and will maybe one day admit to her part in the divorce, but to her it's all my fault. You both are totally blessed.

Thank you so much for your replies.
I just want to clarify one thing. We are NOT by any means in reconciliation or on our way to patch things up. Something just clicked inside me last night. I can UNDERSTAND what has happened to us.
He is NOT a sociopath, notorious liar and cheater, a lowlife scumbag and all the other things I have been suspecting lately.
He IS stubborn, blind, in denial and totally messed up, still involved with OW and plenty of other things that hurts.
I'm just happy that he still is the man I know.