I thought that as time goes by I would feel better. There are some days that are actually good. But, today I just want to ball my eyes out. I am sitting at my desk at work and cant seem to get it together. I got up at 3 in the morning, wondering how could someone be so mean and care so little?? I have gone thru so much with him...the millions of drug rehabs, helping him get himself together. He goes out and starts another family..without even letting us know. Here I am thinking I'm giving him space to grow up, become responsible.... you're now drug free. I thought he would be a better father to our kids and a better husband to me....but, he decided to move on and not let us know until years later and having 2 babies with the other woman. GOD!!! this hurts, I wish I could get rid of these feelings. I feel sick to my stomach. I am worried about my daughter college expenses. Just a few weeks ago he and I would talk about what needed to be done to be use everything was set for her. Now she wants to take summer classes and I have to handle this all alone. Not sure if I can. Registration for the fall is soon and I dont know what to do..He made his decision to take care of his other family....and leave us. FLAT...I am still awaiting to have the divorce paper served...I just feel like I am drowning...and pretending that everything is OK..still flashing my smile, but dying inside...I have no one to talk to and not shoulder to cry on. No one seems to understand what I am going thru...I believe I need therapy....what is wrong with me that I can draw such an asshole and spend 20 years of a hell filled marriage. What the F**K is wrong with me??!! I am consistantly told to get over it...Lord knows I am desperately trying....I just hurt so bad.
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