Before anyone else has a chance to say it, let me be the first. I am the scum at the bottom of the trash can. This knowledge is eating me alive. It started with my first deployment. My husband is controling and lost it when it was hard to monitor my every step from across the world. Although honestly he did a pretty good job of it. The problems had been swept under the rug when I was home and we were semi happy for a year or so. Now that I'm back to the sand box it has started all over. I leave most conversations on the verge of tears. This didn't go unnoticed and I soon had a friend to confide in and a shoulder to cry on. But as you may have guessed, my shoulder to cry on has turned into more. My new friend is amazing and I can't stop thinking about him. This is the worst kind of cheating. (I've never actually touched this guy.) I 'love' my new friend, and I could see us being very happy together. I was half way to divorce before, but this new development has pushed my marriage over the edge. I feel so incredibley guilty. My husband with all his craziness doesn't deserve to be thrown out like yesterdays newspaper. But I 'love' both of them. I'm stuck. I know I could save my marriage. But what if the new guy is the better pick? They are both fully aware of each other. And they both don't care for some damn reason. They just want to be with me. What should I do? And how can I ever look myself in the eye again?
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