I have spent eight months squashing and supressing my emotions and I am losing my grip. I have lost my family, my children, my home and life and friends as I know it. I can make it through this if I can just get past the guilt and the feelings of failure. And my husband was the one having the "platonic friendship", although I am labelled the home wrecker as I actually left. July we will be seperated a year, and only in the last month have I started crying, wtf. I miss him, I am remembering the good times, the memories, it kills me. For the past six months I have been seeing someone else, he is beautiful and loving, and we have just moved in together, too soon? Probably. I am so terribly afraid I will break this, lose it, kill it, or get hurt again. It debilitates me. I work like a dog as a waitress, it is good for me to run from my pain, I don't sleep, weigh nothing and I eat nicotine and caffeine. This from a mother who breastfed my oldest son till he was three and allowed my kids no sugar, I was so health conscious it was insane. Now I roam my house at night, am screwed during the day, I cant concentrate and I am just F$$% out.
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