Ok I allowed someone to send me part of a chat room log from my STBX... He is a sick man at first it pissed me off then it made me sad... I know I shouldn't do this but I can't stop and this person that sent it to me was a women that my husband went with the last time we where split I think she has good intentions because she says i deserve better and she kicks herself for being with him she is like one of my biggest supports and I know she would NEVER go with him again I think she thinks this will help me.... But it only hurts me... then I read where he say he still loves me and that tears me apart.. I so want to send him and email and say straighten the fuck up and we could be together but he is so far gone with his drinking and pot smoking that there is no hope for him besides the fact he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him... He says he left because I lost trust in him... well HELLO... I am so glad that he doesn't know the divorce is march 3rd, the last time he knew he came to me and asked me to stop it and he wanted back... well 2 + years I'm back in court again this time i will not stop it. Who knows down the road what will happen right now I am trying my best to focus on me and make it through this. I love him to death but being with him will be the death of me and I don't want that either... So I am here instead of writing him... If you can read my journal and give me thoughts...thanks so much.. and sorry about the ramble...
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