Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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deleted_user 04/27/2008

Since I stopped going to therapy a few months ago, I've been doing a lot of journaling. Most of it is about my husband and it's not pleasant. Anyway, the other day he got up and was extremely pissed off. He told me that he's read my journal. Not once, several times. And he was mad about the things I wrote about him in there. When I asked him why he read it, he told me he thought it was a diary about a project I'm working on (Special Olympics). He bought me that journal as a Christmas gift and I only started the project a few weeks ago. So that was a lie.

My relationship with him is not good. I want to slap him more than I don't. His (intentional) ignorance about everything from operating the dishwasher to installing our son's carseat is infuriating. I just want to be rid of him. The anger is out of control. How do I fix this?

deleted_user 04/27/2008

I read this post and took a look at your profile. Reading your journal is a HUGE VIOLATION! A huge red flag. And I saw on your profile that he doesn't like you going to therapy b/c of the copays. Keep going to therapy and I would say you two need to get into couples counseling to deal with the obvious control issues. Stick around here; good people with lots of insight! (HUG)

deleted_user 04/27/2008

I understand about the ignorance part. I couldn't tell you how many things I learned to do that my ex made so many excuses not to do. Your H was absolutley violating your private frustrations in your journal. But perhaps it possibly opened his eyes on how you truley felt and the two of you could start couples counseling.

deleted_user 04/27/2008

Leave!

deleted_user 04/27/2008

I agree with kls64 - go now. I stayed 15 years too long. Some "stuck" idea in my mind about marriage vows meaning something. Unfortunate for me I did not realize until 25 years had gone that they only meant something to ME.

deleted_user 04/27/2008

I dont agree with the leaving part just yet. But get into counciling, and if he is against it, then leave as the problems will not stop.

The counciling may or may not work, but I am not one to say give up on marriage without trying to work it out professionally.

deleted_user 04/27/2008

never give up always try different ways to help after counseling doesnt work then move on

deleted_user 04/27/2008

I agree that was huge violation and he admitted to reading it more than once. But, now he has read it and maybe if you talk about it openly it could benefit both of you. Ask him what makes him mad at you. I would definately try to get him going to marraige counseling. All marraiges have issues, neither party is perfect and it's ok to get mad. It's called life.

4mytasha 04/27/2008

My view is why DIDN'T my husband read my Journal?
I actually wished he had so he would know that the words I threw at him (and that he ignored) were real and to read the proof of how much he was hurting me and how much I hurt and how much I REALLY did love him and how hard it was for me to make up my mind to leave him.
He STILL doesn't believe I still love him and the that I left because he loved drinking more than me.
Maybe he's deaf to my voice but if he would have only READ it....???????
Just MY opinion. :(

deleted_user 04/27/2008

I'm with brokenvows on this one: it was a huge betrayal, but it gives you an opportunity to talk about how unhappy you really are and what you need from him. Get him into couples counseling with you ASAP, it's clear he's got some honesty issues, and you have some (understandable) trust issues.

Him seeing how hurt you really are by his behavior could be the best thing ever to happen to your marriage, if he takes the opportunity to fix things.

deleted_user 04/27/2008

I totally know how you feel...my husband read my paper journal, then when I stopped writing a paper journal he searched until he found my blog...now I'm back to writing in a paper journal but I hide it better...it's such a horrible feeling isn't it? Mine actually accused me of lying about him! In my journal! We've tried counseling, according to my husband, the problems are all mine and he doesn't need to go so that was worthless...he's "perfect" you know...abusers usually are. I will be ending my marriage soon...best of luck to you

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