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How you let go of anger/resentment/guilt...

deleted_user
deleted_user
My counselor said I still have a lot of anger/resentment as to who did what etc... I think I feel it because he has not owned much of fault in what went wrong but even when he does, he says he takes full responsibility for what he did but he wouldn't have if I hadn't done whatever I did. Anyhow, I'm so fed up but I am angry that I somehow accept the guilt of whatever he says to me. Deep down I know I'm not guilty but and although I allow him to make me feel guilty, I later resent it and get mad (mostly at myself I suppose). I hate this whole thing of figuring out how to change me so I don't let him manipulate me so much to get his way!
deleted_user
deleted_user
forget your counsellor... anger is a normal reaction.. however it can't consume you.. you still need to go to work, be a parent, have time for yourself and build a new life...

if anger issues take up too much time.. they lose you and he will win.....

allow yourself to feel angry for say like 10 minutes and then release it.. before you get out of bed each morning say.. angels help me control my anger and limit it to 10 minutes then release it and heal me.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
Anger is normal. I went to a counsellor to find out if my anger was the problem with my marriage (what my ex said to me).

Found out it was justifed, because of the way I was beeing treated.

After figuring that out I felt much better.

So yes, look at your anger, don't let it comsume you though.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Have you tried writing letters to him, when you are really angry? Don't give them to him, but really tell him off, then destroy the letter.
deleted_user
deleted_user
"he says he takes full responsibility for what he did but he wouldn't have if I hadn't done whatever I did."


This is the definition of NOT taking responsibility. He is BLAMING you for his actions. It is BULLS--T.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Anger is okay. It allows you to move on.

Is your counselor telling you that you shouldn't feel anger?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Tami has a good idea, I did something similar. I wrote a series of letters to my ex on my laptop, but never actually sent them. They allowed me to vent and tell him things that were on my mind, how I felt and what I thought of his behaviour, without going through the stress of actually sending them. It helps get rid of some of the guilty feelings in you and put some of the responsibility on him, which is how it really is. It takes 2 to tango (or for a marriage to fail).
hockeymom5592
hockeymom5592
My anger combined with the love of my child is what drives me to keep on keepin on. I may let it go when he is no longer a factor in my life, but not now. But I don't let it consume me, or turn me into a shrew. I am angry at him, but not at the world.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I did a couple of the goodbye letters and admittedly they were full of venom as well as very valid and accurate points. However, I sent them. Just caused turmoil and made me look like the bad guy somehow in the whole damn thing. Write em, don't send em.
bigguy3
bigguy3
Anger is a necessary step of getting past a breakup. If you find yourself getting stuck in anger, try to explore other emotions; fear, sorrow, and remorse ... but move forward at whatever pace you are comfortable with.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hope it's normal, because that's the stage I'm in right now- big time!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I let my anger go bit by bit and it is normal to have it. Never did I show it to my stbx because that was just what she wanted by sticking her boyfriend in my face in front of my daughter.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wrote letters and my wife found them. OOPS
I just wanted to re-read them later and see if that was what I was really feeling.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm not going to be nice anymore :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks for your responses, I think she was concerned that if I don't let go of the anger I will not be able to be happy even after we are not together.

I do need to journal or write it all out but I think that when I do a memory lane review, I feel so stupid and depressed that I put up with so much "discounting" of what I wanted and needed.
bigguy3
bigguy3
It is not necessary to do a memory lane review when you are journaling. I find it best if I simply write down what I am feeling at the moment. If I know why I am feeling that way then I add that to the journal. There are a lot of times that past hurt is the reason I feel the way I do ... it is ok to write that down to. Later, you can go back and read your journal and it will give you a new perspective on where you are based on where you have been.
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