Is there something that he is doing or saying that is causing you to not trust? Do you think it might be too soon to date. Some say it take about 2 years (in general) to get over a divorce. I am sure I will be the same way because my husband lied and betrayed me so badly that it is something I am fearful of when dating. Will I too be guarded? Sorry you are not able to freely enjoy your new relationship but if there is something you "should" be concerned about maybe it's a good thing. I do think overall it is normal especially after getting hurt by someone you love.

The best thing I did during this time was to read a book called "Fearless Loving" by Rhonda Britten. (I think that is her last name.)This allowed me to trust with a plan but most imprtantly I got a chance to learn about myself.

He hasn't given me any signs to not trust him and has tried to re-assure me that he is not with me just for dating and wants to get married; which is what I want also.

The only thing that bothers me about him is his neediness...It's a turn off

After beng betrayed by someone you gave your heart to, it is hard to trust another with your heart. He needs to be patient with you, and the two of you need to work together to get through this. It takes time.

In my humble opinion, a month is not long enough to accurately gauge whether you can trust another person or not. I've read over and over again, that emotionally healthy people do not just 'jump' right into a new relationship and commit. It takes a lot of time to get to know someone. Listen to you inner voice - if it's telling you it's too soon to trust - then you have your answer. Surely, if this guy is right for you, he'll understand and wait it out.

I agree with Gemini, listen to what your inner voice is telling you. If he is acting overly needy he might have issues. Sometimes these issues can become a huge problem. later. I think you are being wise.

I know where you're at. I'm divorced and find I can't do it either. Its been nine years for me, and when I hear you say its been just a year I say--Woah! Take your time. It might take a lot longer to hear from bad emotional trauma. Don't rush it.

sepi, thelack of trust has nothing to do with him. It is in you and regardless what he says or does you are bnot ready to trust him, or anybody else for that matter. You will have to work on your ability to separate reality from your own fears before you can trust anybody else or you will always be plagued by your past experience.

Tell him that this is not about him. This is about you, and what you have not healed from yet. It's really about trusting yourself again. You need time. That doesn't mean he isn't the one for you. Ask for his patience, and do what you need to do to get past your mistrust.

Dating is good. But if you have only known the guy for a month isn't that a little soon to be thinking about anything else.Take your time,stay in therapy,enjoy all the little things in life. Learn to be happy by and with yourself first. Then think about someone else. And don't forget the old saying"once bitten, twice shy" there is some truth in those old wives tales you know. Lots of luck

I am finding myself having issues with this as well. I know I still need to heal. It's only been a month since my split. I feel like like my trust has been betrayed most of my life. Although, I keep putting myself out there to be crushed when the trust is broken. This is one of the things I am working on within myself. I know I do have trust issues (especially after the last 7 yrs). I'm right with you, and I'll be watching this post for help.

Does anyone think that gender has anything to do with how we handle this? I've found that woman seem to be more sensitive in this area. Am I wrong?

I dont view trust as a all or nothing thing. I think trust is more like a brick wall, being built one brick at a time. Any given situation can add a brick to the wall or take one away. I was more concerned about your mentioning that he is needy. Pay attention to that, it may become progressive in time. Neediness sometimes reflects a lack of self repsect which can be a difficult thorn in a relationship.

this is also a large issue with me. i have had a rough dating history, normally ending up with them cheating on me. and to trust someone after so many have done the same thing over and over seems impossible. i feel it has to do with self esteem. to learn to trust again you first have to rediscover your own value. you must realize you matter and that the other person is lucky to have found you. it is easier said than done, i have failed at this time and time again, and do not trust easily anymore. i think once we finaly see ourselves as more than just trash, we can begin to see others as honest. this is only my opinion from my life. might not apply to your situation, i hope this helps alittle. best wishes with the future.

MikeJ:
LOVE the brick wall analogy. Going to write that one down. It is a perfect description of how trust is built or destroyed. Cheers.