My husband and I have been married for almost nine years and he has just asked me for a divorce. We have two children and one on the way. I discover that he has been having an online affair with my son's friend mom. He denied several times that he had done anything sexual with her over the internet. He had several calls to her on web cam while I was at work at night. I gave him a chance to come clean. He came home and showed me a message that it was over and he gave me access to his phone. That night, I went through his phone while he was asleep and he forgot to delete his snap chat where he had tons of sexual coversations with this woman. I told him I could not do this anymore not because of the content, but because I gave him a chance to come clean and he still decided to lie to me. This is not the first time it has happend. Two years into our marriage, when I was pregnant with our son, I discover he had a double life. He was addicted to porn, talking to women all over the internet and becoming sexual with them. He had a internet affair with one of his coworker. He told her he wanted to leave me and our child and run away with her. I forgave him, he said he stop contact with her, later I found out he hadn't. I forgave him again and he got a new job. At that new job, found out he was texting with another woman. I forgave him, and found another job, he did it again with another coworker. Some of these incidents were not sexual, just texting and flirtation emails. I found one poem he wrote to thsi girl and he said he sent it to her for revisions for her. He wrote in the poem, when i saw you walking in those yellow pants. I have never wore yellow pants, up until 2 days ago, he lied about the poem being for me and he finally admitted it was for this other woman. He finally decided that something was wrong with him and he decided to change. He really changed, he become a youth pastor and everything was good. I forgave him but I did not forget. He keeps on saying that I still look at him like he is messed up. I told him I don't think about the past, i don't want to and I don't have time. Three weeks ago, he stop talking to me and sleeping in sofa. He said he wanted a divorce because I do not appreciate him. That he works hard, those sweet things for me, and I do not do anything back. That I paid attention to my kids more than him. I apologize and told him I am sorry I made him feel like that and that I would do better, but he said he had had enough. I am the one that gave him multiple chances and now he is the one divorcing me? It did not make sense, so I came home one night and snoop through his work laptop, found out a intimate relation with this girl and emails to another girl from his past. I have tried to work things out with him. I am concern about how he is acting. He is hurting our children. Now, he doesn't want anything to do with me, only the kids. Maybe this is for the better. I am tired of trying to work things out with him. He has great potential, but something is wrong with him. He can't figure out why he does what he does. He needs to that way he does not do this to another person. He wants to live at home while being seperated, but I can't do it. Its too painful. I can't have my kids with someone that does inappropriate things on a computer while my children are sleeping. He is a good dad, he provides and love my kids. But he is not a good role model. I am currently pregnant and has been very tought, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I cried every single day, I feel guilty, and I feel worthless. I gave him almost nine years of my life. Gave him multiple chances, I stood by him in everything he has done, I gave him children, and now he wants to throw our marriage away. He doesn't want to get help and actually really work on this. I hate being alone after nine years. But he is doing fine. I keep texting him and calling him which I know its not good and he probably likes it because he knows he can get back with me if he wanted to. I know he still talking to this other woman because he will not leave his phone for me to access it. My parents and friends don't know that I am going through this and it has been so hard to be in this all alone. Seperation and divorce is very painful, I just wished i could fast forward to a couple years from now. I know I have to be strong for my children, I am single more with 3 kids, while he is a single dad with no responsibility left to do what he wants. There are not consequences for him.
I have so much anxiety and depression due to my marriage and a huge part of me wants to leave but there is a small part that wants to stay. I guess I try to remember the good times and how he can be when he is in a good mood! I also have a daughter who loves her life and is very happy with how things are. Although she is not close to my husband/her step dad at all. She sees his anger and rudeness...
I think BP and socal media does not mix too well. I found myself sucked into Twitter. I did cut off my FaceBook along ago. I am now only on Instragram (For my photos). Dunno, I feel relieved a bit. Now I am only on DS and Instragram. I also have my photo website to look after.