Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

8 Online
8 Online

How to get over my husband leaveing me

Hi, I go by goodper,i am haveing a really hard time going through this divorce,I am unemployed,have 2 kids left at home 21 and 17.My house is going into forcloser,and He has 2 jobs,friends,always laughing,i just dont get it,I am very depressed,cry daily.afraid to be alone,I dont go out so i cant meet new people,i feel like such a loser,i am kind and considerate,But he always comes out on top.Why do mean people do well?And the good people loose everything?would love some feedback,some friends would be great thanks,for reading this......

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Goodper,

Well first of all it sounds like yoour at rock bottom so everything should be up from here. I feel your pain, I am not yet divorced and hope not to be.

I am the considerate one in our relationship.

To answer your question, I think you anwer it yourself. People who are considerate and kind are giving, while in most cases the "other is inconsiderate and self-serving.

Mean people do well because they dont have a conscience about who they step on to get to their goals.

Keep this in mind though, as they go through life they will burn more bridges and eventually be miserable and lonely.

With that being said I dont think we should wish this on anyone, but it seems to be the reality in alot of cases.

Hope this helps....
deleted_user
deleted_user

You have your dignity.....and not everyone can say that....you have a conscience and you have a heart. Your a good person and that is all that really matters. You try your best no matter what....and you are a fighter and will prevail....
deleted_user
deleted_user

goodper, sorry you are going through this. Not sure how new this is for you but try to find the strength to get out there. You don't have to be anywhere you don't want to be. You will start to feel better taking the small steps.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I feel your pain and know it is extremely hard to be going through all of this feeling so alone.
There is no real answer as to why many appear to prosper who aren't up-right,decent,kind and caring individuals. But it's like 304 mentioned it's usually for a season. I know what you mean about your husband laughing,being up beat etc. Many of the ones who do the "leaving" will come across this way and the most important person he wants to "get" this message is you.Try not to allow him to steal your power,see you down,depressed and appearing to be stuck in neutral. Put on your best smile and happy attitude you can muster up. The problem with going through a divorce is it takes an inner healing to take place and that all comes with time.
You mentioned he works two jobs but your house is going into foreclosue? Is he not providing for you and your two teenage kids in any way. If you haven't seen a lawyer you must get one immediately.Please be sure you have yourself protected and your bases covered. Try to find one in your area that practices in Family Law,they at least are up to date with the divorce laws in your State.
Try and push yourself to get out of the house,even if it's the grocery store the first time. I know it's hard,I've been there but it takes effort. Right now everything will feel like it's an effort but I promise it will get easier and you will feel better for it.
Take care and do yourself a favor,don't try to figure him out and his reasons for leaving.It'll just end up driving you crazy.
polarbare
polarbare

Well I want you to know you are NOT alone... having said that I would call a lawyer if you haven't to protect yourself and your kids and see a doctor if your depression lasts .. going on some anti depressants even temporarily can help you get the energy and focus you need..he left you at your lowest point same as my ex.. and believe me I know how you feel when the mean ones do well..

all you can do is remind yourself YOU ARE NOT A LOSER.. you are a great mom, friend and whatever other roles that fit you... write down what your friends and family say about you and read the positive messages daily.. try to be gentle with yourself and not repeat what he may have said to you.. your better than him...

If you can get some counseling for yourself, I would do it... and just remember that material things are just that material things.. you will find a better home that you will share with your kids and have no memory of him which is a bonus... you think you won't get through this but you will...
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi I am with you! I have felt that way alot
in my reltionships. I have said this before
to others GOD WILL punish SIN! I have seen
it with my parents. They have lost everyone
in their life bcuz of greed. They are old and
lonely. It took years for it to come back
around. I am not happy for their pain but
that is a consequence of being evil.
Also you really don't know what is going
on in his life or in his mind. He may be
hurting but does not want anyone to see.
He may be smiling outside but very unhappy
on the inside! You just don't know. I think
its a blessing that you are who you are!
It's rare now days to find someone like you
who is kind. I have learned that i must
make better choices about who i choose around
me bcuz there are people like you and me
(kind) out there. It just takes time to
find these people. Focus on your great
qualities and find others worthy of you!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I understand where you are coming from. I am currently unemployed due to medical reasons, so I am completely broke, my best friend was my husbands cousin so she has not spoken to me in a year because of our separation. Its a very hard time. But you have to believe that this is only temporary. Just focus on trying to get yourself into a healthy state of mind and feeling good both inside and out. Good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi Goodper, You and I are in a very similar situation. After 22 years he just decided to put our life in boxes. He put his belongings in his car, kept it all in secret and two days ago, I found out that he was just waiting for the bank to padlock our home with all the rest of our belongings and my 3 dogs. No one could be more devastating than this. I don't even have money to feed the dogs, he locked me out of the house... but... one thing he could never break is my spirit. I will do all I can and I know that will make it. Keep telling that to yourself. A year from now you will be in a better place, because there is no man out there worth more than your children, or my dogs for that matter. You take care and keep going.
deleted_user
deleted_user

In terms of "things" I think mean people do well as they are indeed selfish. In terms of "things" good people might lose out but that good person has a wonderful heart. Much to give another. Mean people hide their terror to themselves and most do it well.

I am sorry your going through this. I swear I wish I had a magic wand that would allow me to make all of us here healed.
MsTerey
MsTerey

I logged on here today feeling sorry for myself and I realize that there is always someone in more pain than I. That person is you, and I have been very close to what you are going through. I am not going to go into foreclosure, at least not yet. I also feel like a loser and I am alone. I have no children, have not worked in 12 years and can not seem to find someone who wants a bright and shiny 54 year old. My ex is making 6 figures and other than living in a small apt instead of a falling down house is off scott free to do whatever he wants and buy all toys and whatever while I am barely keeping the lights on. I did take meds after the filing of divorce from about Dec last year until about two months ago. It does help. I have been alone all weekend and good or bad that is sometimes the way I feel like dealing with this. My suggestion is to try and do one baby step, it is so hard sometimes to even remember one thing that you enjoyed prior to " this" and try and do it. I have loved to read my entire life and could not even do that during this time. No one but people who have been through this can even fathom what it does to us. I would like to be your friend... my advice is to do just one step. Even taking a shower is all you can for yourself some days. BIG HUG!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Off hand I'd say you need to get up, dust yourself off and get out there and get a job. I'm NOT trying to be mean, far from it. Becoming self supporting is one of the best ego boosts around...try it.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I can relate... I'm only 23 myself and my son will be 4 in a month. His father and I split hen he was 8 months old. He was verbally abusive and had just started getting physical when I decided my son and I had to get out of there. I did everything I could possibly think of to make it work, even when it meant isolating myself from the people I cared about to make him happy. I think I am kind and open hearted. Most people seem to agree and his mom even told me she didn't blame me for leaving him. Well... since then I have been through 2 failed engagements and 2 other failed relationships. But him, he's been with the same girl since 4 months after we broke up. S'he is a sweet girl and I like her. BUT I can't help but wonder.... Why does he get to be happy in a long term relationship and playing basketball and going out with friends and living in income based housing... but I have our son so I've got 3 jobs, which causes me to make "too much money" to get help, live with my mom, and not have time or money for anything fun. So I ask similar question that you do... I think I am the better person, but he gets to be happy and I get to be depressed?
Life is not fair, it sucks. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I'd love to say it gets better, but it hasn't for me yet and it's been more than 3 years. The best you can do is focus on making yourself happy, by whatever means necessary. Just remember though, things aren't always what they seem. He is male, and they do tend to hide their true feelings.
Hope this helped at least a little
MsTerey
MsTerey

I wanted to correct my post, when I said no one wants a bright and shiny 54 year old, I meant in the workforce! Looking for a job when you have been out of the workforce is not as easy as people think, especially people who are working. On the other hand, I do not know how some people make it thru a divorce and keep their jobs or career.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so sorry your going through this.
I know where your coming from barley hanging on by a thread myself.
I do not and will not ever understand how the good people come out last all the time,while the ones with no morals come out to the better.Does not make sense.
I am hoping each of us will find a way to come out of this on the bright side.But seems like the older you get the harder it gets..Bless and I wish for you better days.
deleted_user
deleted_user

You sound a lot like me. No matter what he does, he lands on his feet! People have told me for years that 'he will get his' eventually, but I'm not sure I believe it.
You just have to hang on to being the better person. That is what matters in the end. Read Vikto Frankl's book "Man's search for meaning". He talks about struggling to find something to be thankful for while he was a prisoner in Auschwitz. He said that he looked around at the captors who were so cruel to all of the prisoners and he could at least say "Thank God I'm not them." You may not be doing great, I understand...but you can be grateful you are not him. If being a jerk is what it requires to be on top, I 'll just sit here underneath and like myself a whole lot more.