Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

10,094 Members
99,332 Posts
6 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

How to get my wife back and show her I am the one?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I was mentally abusive to her and never cared to much about her feelings just mine? I am selfish but I love her a lot and not that we are separated just always have. I never show affection towards her. We have three children together. I drink, not all the time but I did, and I was an angry and flit drunk. I was a black-out drinker. I am currently going to church and getting help from AA. I put her though a lot and she can not ever forgive me. Do you think she will in due time or is there to much hurt. I have 2 DWI's pending. My life went for great to worst will it ever get better?
deleted_user
deleted_user
hello my brother< I think if your wife trully love u she will see the new man u become and slowlly you can re-gain her trust.
Its all about the trust my man. Right now your wife don't trust u: But if u show her that u are a new man her hart can start healling. I will pray for u and your marrige ...

Love u Alex
deleted_user
deleted_user
PS: Stay Focus and strong Don't give up
deleted_user
deleted_user
Lami, it will get better, but you have to get some help. AA is a great first step. I would work on yourself before you even attempt to try to get her back. She has a lot of healing to do as well. She may forgive you, but I wouldn't expect to get the marriage back until you are fully healed or recovered. You shouldn't want to go back until you are better for her sake and the sake of the children. My grandfather was in AA for years and was sober for 25 years before he passed away in '04. You can beat this thing, but you can't do it alone. Your wife may also want to try Al-Anon, my grandmother still goes even after all these years. I'll keep you in my prayers.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The only way you have a chance is to work on changing yourself. This is not a process that can be rushed, it takes time to make permanent changes. Show her that you regret the past and are deeply committed to turning your life around for yourself and your family. I wish you all the best!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was in the position your wife was in. My husband was emotionally abusive, cared more about drinking with his buddies than me, would pass out at a friends house and I wouldn't know where he was.

I can only speak for me, but I took it for a long time, and finally asked for a divorce. Even if he changed and wanted me back, I wouldn't go. I wouldn't have any faith that he had truly changed after all that time. There would be constant trust issues that would make us both miserable and we'd just end up resenting each other.

It's great that you are going to church and attending AA. I applaud your effort and hope that it continues to help and that you can build a really great life for yourself. But she is going to have to heal herself, and she can't focus on healing herself if she's tied up in your healing.

Will she ever forgive and come back, I don't know. But maybe, as you both heal you can build a friendship around your involvement with your children. And from that friendship rebuild trust. But you have to let it happen over time, if it happens at all. Don't rush, don't push, just try to heal yourself and become the best person you can be. God will do what's right for you. Whatever He brings into your life, whether it's a challenge or a triumph is for a reason. Learn, grow and move forward from that.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • joannklingaman

    Grief

    Posted by: joannklingaman
    Last Reply: lovesloons
    11
    A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
  • ldab

    Gabapentin help anyone?

    Posted by: ldab
    Last Reply: kona50
    13
    I have my maxed amount of epidural shots of my cervical DDD....(and no one cares about my lumbar DDD)..... I've done physical therapy, muscle relaxers, Amitriptyline, Nortryptiline, desipramine.....narcotics... So I decided to go to a spine specialist and they have me on Gabapentin. Its been two weeks and it did nothing for my lumbar ever... but it did seem to help my cervical and arm/hand pain...