What is it that you want? Do want to save a marriage? or are you just wanting to control how he response to you?

I want the marrage to work.
Not sure what you mean by "control how he response to you". Can you explain?

Seems to me that your husband has not yet made up his mind on what he wants to do. that can be a very positive thing if you chose to look at it in that way

His response 5 minutes later doesn't seem like it has met with your approval or it could be that you are choosing to look at it in a negative light.

I would be encouraged that he still feels like he wants to keep a family together. maybe focusing on the positives =and not how you want him to respond could be in order.
If you truly want to save this marriage I can direct you into another venue that would serve you a lot better than this site. pm me if you are interested

What other venue?

Understand paulbear...this gray area my husband lives in has been going on for 1 year...my kids are evne sick of it. Me AND the kids hold out hope that the family will get back together. One year is a long time to look at the gray area in a positive light.

He doesn't know what he wants. If he comes back, he could stay that way. Maybe he would get some therapy of his own.

aloha CVGL...he dose go to therapy once a week. Not sure if it is helping him. I still see a bitter, scared man. Mind you, this guy was amazing before!

Wow. How strange that this would all happen when you move to Hawaii.

It's probably going to be up to you do decide what to do; divorce or let it ride some more.

It takes two people to breakup a marriage but only one to head it in the right direction!

this sounds kinda like my situation, but basically i deal with her love and missing me while she is high an hating me and wanting me to die when she is not. i don't see any real decisions coming around for a very long time. for me i am just kinda waiting it out. been putting up with it so long in the end i guess i dont care either way anymore. you may eventually have to just make the decison for him and move on with your life.

personally my bipolar makes that happen to me a lot. the heat of the moment is very powerfull as is confusion.

Nice thought paulbear, but once it's headed in the right direction, it takes two people to have a marriage. One committed person and one permanently ambivalent person just doesn't do.

Paulbear...I do have to say that for the frist time I understand that saying.. it takes two to make it work. One person cannot pull a marrige back together. Both have to want it. Like CVGL sayed one committed and one permanently ambivalent person just dosen't do. Please leave me, I wish it did! So do my kids!

Opps..Meant to say "believe me, I wish it did" (one person could pull a marriage back together)