there are days when I can hold my head up and accept what has happened in my life. I am emotional all the time it seems. I think that I fend off the sadness for a time only to have it knock the shit out of me later. Lately it seems to be happening alot more on Sundays. I wake up at night and check my feelings because I just don't want to wake up in a pit of dispair again. It's truly killing me and affecting my relationship with my kids. They see dad being sad and I know it concerns them. I try being honest. I know that right now I can't be ok. I guess I really don't expect that, but how do you keep from going so far down that you begin to fear everything. What is real and what is percieved. I woke up fine this morning but within two hours I was obsessing about my ex and her new relationship. I spent all day in the depths of dispair and depression not knowing what to do. Feeling like the only way out of the pain was impossible. I so want to call her and beg for forgiveness (though I have done nothing wrong), beg her to let me fix this and take me back. Intellectually, I know that this is totally the wrong move because she has hurt me time and time again, but it feels like the only way out of the overwhelming pain.
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