Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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how do you know when its over?

deleted_user
deleted_user
That's my question. It seems I have been fighting to save my marriage for years and now I'm not sure why anymore. I was doing so much, holding it together whilst my H had switched off, from the beginning of this year I stopped trying and we have been like dead people. He avoids talking to me for fear of the inevitable. We more or less agreed there was nothing left but then I felt so awful for the kids I panicked and backed out. I know I'm doing the worst thing ever by not making a decision, its not fair on me, him or the kids but in all honesty how do you make that decision??
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well, you NEED & SHOULD put your kids first.... Do you want them to grow up in a "loveless" marriage?" YOU need to do what is best for YOU & YOUR kids. If you are not happy & you haven't been for years, then why draw out the inevitable? Make the move & get on with your life. You & your kids will be happier & healthier! "Keep Your Chin Up!~!
LarryLDN
LarryLDN
On 8/8/06 when I was served with papers and saw they were dated 5/11, I knew it was over, 3 months by then. We split 2/06, so I kinda had the idea in 3 months it was over, I just didn't know about the paperwork for another 3 months.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think its a matter of logic. If you look at your marriage and see there is no love, no frienship, no desire to be with that other person, then something is wrong.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You have to look at it from a third person perspective and see if it is worth saving or if it is salvageable then you do what you can to make it work. You should work on your marriage for the kids not because of the kids because they are truly innocent losers in all of this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thats just it - we muddle along,he does as I ask and we are civil. But its like a working partnership - the deeper issues of money, future, responsibilities we are not united in - when crisis comes I can't turn to him and I have to cope alone. United we stand, divided we fall type thing.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I knew it was over when I found out my STBX was secretly seeing another man that she said was just a friend and I asked her a couple questions

I asked her the night she told me about this guy, that if she ever wanted to see another person to please let me know so I didn't feel like an idiot thinking I have this great marriage. He reply was, "Okay" which floored me because I was expecting her to say "you are the only one for me".

I then told her that maybe we should separate and I expected her response to be "No...I love you and want to be with you", Her response was will we still talk during the separation!

I went in the other room that night and cried myself to sleep. In my mind I knew my marriage was over, but it took some time for my heart to catch up.
deleted_user
deleted_user
When I knew there was no love.
LarryLDN
LarryLDN
People thought we had the perfect marriage since nobody agreed with our ideas, but we agreed with each other. LOL. And, too, nobody understands our split either. It's costing me more than it has to, but they're still my family and I'm still taking care of them financially, those spoiled brats. LOL. But I'm still Ahead! Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, medically.

I read on a site when this first happened and I was miserable, I couldn't appreciate it at the time, but someone said it cost him a lot and she kept asking for more and more, he realized that it was worth Every penny.

and it is.
deleted_user
deleted_user
thanks everyone for your comments - they have reall;y helped me focus - gonna do some thinking now.
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