I just was separated for the 2nd time. Both times I instigated because he was so hurtfull to me, and finally in front of our kids. This was very hard to do and now I get the blame as well. He can't be reasoned with and seems to accuse me of things that he does. I also felt very taken advantage of and intimidated to speak my mind because I was always somehow bad for what I thought. He has been extremely verbally abusive, though he is not quite as out of control as before. He discovered he's an alcoholic and said that all he needs is AA and he's getting better, but that i haven't changed, am still selfish, can't see beyond my own perspective, and have made the marriage terrible while he tried his best for the last 2 years. That I can't see my role. We still saw each other durring both separations as he was working on himself and his anger and I still loved him. But now its all my fault again and he basically threw me out of his apartment asked me if I want him to serve me papers and called me a baby, etc when I cried. Said i didn't GET to know this was comming. Haven't spent time w/ him in about a month and am feeling pretty devastated right now. I've read these save your marriage sites and wonder if it could be saved. Maybe this is all happening because I did something wrong. I'm so sad for my little kids...I don't want to mess them up. Its one of the reasons I asked him to leave again. But maybe I made a mistake? He would be very nice sometimes too and apologized. Says his definition and my definition of mean are differnt. He sometimes seemed to completely understand how this behavior was affecting me, but then it would come back and he'd accuse me of things or be angry in general. He is very into AA and is very angry that I didn't like alanon. Calls my therapist a puppet and thinks our marriage counselor doesn't know what she's talking about. But I am soooo sad. I can't imagine anything else. Right now I feel like none of it matters, that I just want him back.
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