You figure it out, please let me know!
If you feel like he is manipulating him, you may be distrusting him also? Maybe the two of you really need to sit down and rethink and discuss your relationship to see if there is anything worth salvaging!
Good luck!

Yeah well we do talk every night on the phone. He is at his families house like 4 hours away. He calls me, and sends me emails. He loves me and wants to come home. One minute he says he wants to come home, and the next minute he says he has too much shit in his head.

See, the hard part is I just got out of a bad relationship where I was very much in love with (my ex), and that is when he came into my life and he was my best friend. He was my best friend, and then moved in as a roomate for a year. After that time we ended up building a relationship together, but he is so insecure about my ex. He still thinks I love my ex, which I don't.

I can't convince him because he already has in his head that I want my ex back, which I don't. If I wanted him back I could have him back today... i don't want him he was no good for me. I just can't convince him of this. That is where his insecurities came from.

omg.....excuse me but why is he insecure?.....did you give him anything to doubt?....

NO I never gave him anything to doubt. He was in love with me before I was in love with him. Like I said I met him when I was getting out of a bad relationship and we were friends. I wanted to stay friends but he liked me more than that. Everything I did at that time upset him, but he just held it in. Then when we finally did get together he doubts my feelings. he doubts I love him. Mostly it is because I got out of an abusive relationship before him and I refuse to ever let a man have control over me, so I am pretty outspoken and verbal about how I feel. I am strong and won't tolerate any bullshit. Because of that he just assumes I don't love him because I wasn't that way with my EX. It's like he thinks I only love him if I love him the way I loved my ex.

I feel like I can't win.

It does sound like he is a little insewcure and trying to manipulate the love out of you. I would suggest a counsellor, to talk about why he is feeling this way and what you guys can do to make it work. Best of Luck!

Yeah he suggested counseling and I have nothing against counseling except I think we could work that out on our own. My God, I work and come home and I am here with him all night. We are never apart except for when I work or when he works.

What is there to be insecure about? He needs to stop comparing my love for him to my love I had for my EX because the love I had for my EX was unhealthy. The love I have for him is a healthy love. One that doesn't make me vulnerable.

My stbx was paranoid that I would cheat.
I did not.
I gave him no reason to think I had or would.
his insecurity was overwhelming at times.
I'm an attractive woman and was made to feel bad about that.
I was ever cognizant of his fear. To the point that I had no straight male friends.

It was his lack, not mine.

Lost... Go to the counseling, He needs it, he has trust issues, major ones.. trust me I know what he is going through. Tell him to bring up intellectualism to the counselor/therapist whomever. I would recommend couple counseling, and them him seeking a therapist on his own. Dont fret, he can work through this, it is going to take a TON of patience and understanding on your part, and it will be a long slow process. He can come around, hes taken the first step, he recognizes something is off, and he knows its with him. Probable not your doing, he sounds alot like me..

For the record.. the best thing you can do for him.. is complete transparency, donot resist, it is not a manipulation game at all..

I've come to learn that you can't really convince a man of anything. You might be able to make him see things your way for the few minutes you're intimate with them, but that's about it. I guess that's really try of all of us, no matter what the gender. Actions speak louder than words and if they choose not to hear the words and not show the actions, trying to convince anybody of anything might be a waste of time. Either they do or they don't.

Oh honey. I know how you feel. You can't fight someone else's insecurities, you can't convince someone of something they arent ready to see. Just provide support and love and be patient. It sucks and sometimes it feels like you are beating your head against the wall, I KNOW!

That is why they say to wait till divorce is past before you get into another relationship. To have time to be yourself again.

He does sound insecure.

Maybe you did have baggage that he picked up on at some point.

If you both want it to work you should regroup and take it a step at a time. Maybe start dating again without the move in?

Try not to rush things. That could smother a guy that is not sure of his feelings.