Only you can decide to
a) stay with him, or
b) leave him

There was a story about a little boy whose mother took him to the zoo the see the gorillas. Once gorilla in particular was moaning and groaning and the little boy asked.. Mommy why is that gorilla moaning? The mom replied, because the gorilla is sitting on a nail. Oh said the little boy, why doesn't the gorilla simply move off the nail? The Mommy replied because then he would have to stop moaning?

So the moral is, if you chose to do nothing , stop complaining about it.. if you chose to do something then do it and don't look back. make a plan, make lists, get help from social service organization s in the community, Next time he drinks and drive, don't get in the car with him and report him to the police.

do something.

You may ask him to go into rehab. Two DUI's and two warnings (by the way, how do you get a warning?), indicates a real problem. When will you leave? After he hurts someone? I believe you should take a real hard look at getting you and the kids away from such a destructive behavior.

THanks for the replies. I love advice from people who dont know me as well as my friends and family. My friends and family are too close to the situation and see my husband as a good guy. The truth is though that 2 DUI's and warnings denotes a LOSER in my book. When will he learn? The last warning he received was when he stopped at a gas staion a good samaritan called the police and the police were nice enough to take him home rather than wait for him to drive and give him the DUI. He is very lucky. I have to leave... Ugh... it's so hard. I really dont think that I love him though I just love my house, my kids, my car, and all of the nice things that go with a 2 income family. I know that sounds terrible BUT I dont know how I will live a single life again. I am the breadwinner so I guess I worry a bit about him too. I dont wnat my kids to stay in a ratty old place that he ends up renting or buying. ok... I am getting too far ahead of things. Right now I jsut need to start the process... right???

In so far as I can tell, solely based upon what you are saying, you are right and need to leave. Who knows, maybe it will be the best thing for him and he will seek some much needed help.

Rehab is a good suggestion, however...you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. You can't make him get sober. He has to want it for himself. I suggest that you go to alanon (it's a support group for people who are affected by someone else's drinking). They will show you how to stand up for yourself, help yourself, and stop enabling him. No matter your decision, they will support you.
My stbx never got a DUI (but should have HUNDREDS of times!). I got sober (through AA) a year ago this month. My stbx continued with his substance abuse. He would make promises and then turn around and do what he wanted to do. I told him that if it continued, it would be the last straw and I would file for divorce. 4 months later I filed and he was put out of the home 2 months after that. During these past 6 months, he's pleaded with me to take him back, yet he won't change his behaviors. Remember, actions speak louder than words!
I've been a stay-at-home mom for 7 years and had no money of my own--but I filed anyway without knowing how I was going to support myself and the children. Our safety and emotional health far outweigh creature comforts. I am much happier now that I don't have to live in that environment. Best of luck--my prayers are with you :)

I think if you stay, you may become a very bitter person. Believe me, I know that place. But you don't have to end the marriage yet, this can be a trial separation. A wake-up call to your husband that you will not tolerate this behavior any longer. That you do not want your children to think this is okay to do. He will need to prove himself to you and not just talk anymore. We are here for you.

Hi Rosie,
I am in the same boat. My husband drinks about a liter of bourbon a night along with his painkillers. He stopped in January for two months and I was happier than ever, but then he started again and is right back up to drinking every single night. First thing he does when he gets home from work is get a tall drink. Then he goes up to the bedroom and changes his clothes and sits up there and drinks for the rest of the night. He doesn't even keep the bourbon in the kitchen anymore, it's right by the bed. We don't sleep in the bed together anymore and haven't for some time. I have a 13 year old daughter (prior marriage) who can't stand him when he drinks. My 21 year old daughter lives in the apartment downstairs and she can't stand him either. I am trying to find the courage to leave him. I told him last week I was leaving and he said he would leave. He left and came back very intoxiated and starting taking all his stuff out to his friend's car. The next morning he said he wanted to stay. Then he decided he would still pay the house payment if I signed the house over to him because if I left, he wouldn't pay since the house is in my name. At this point I want him to leave and I'll sell the house; I'm just scared to tell him because he was so explosive last weekend. I know what you mean being easier to stay, but the question is, is that what is best for you and your kids? It's not an easy decision, I know because I can't seem to get up the guts to do it either!

I agree with the rehab note. You cant make him "drink" After his last DUI he spent 21 days in jail and had to go to AA for a year and no results. After our last big blow out I told him ZERO tolerance and that if he drank one more beer I was gone. He went to an AA meeting one night... then to a bar... and then DROVE home. I have provided him with great health insurance and he has the opportunity to seek advice from a counselor one on one and he doesnt do it. THe more I talk to you guys the more I know that this is the only option. I am so thankful for your thoughts and prayers. You are my daily strength! I am going home early today to do some painting. The house is going on the market very soon! I DO NOT want my children to think that this is how a family operates.

Rosie, go to Al anon like KBC said!! I am going myself because of an alcoholic father! Its a MUST so you dont repeat these patterns inadvertantly.