My ex and I were together for 7 years on and off. He raised my 8 yr old son (who's dad has always been non-existant) and we have a 3 yr old daughter together. The entire 7 yrs he has been physically abusive, unfaithful and disrespectful. He has also not worked, so I have been supporting him and taking care of him, plus bailing him out fo jail, paying his drug debts and any geting him out of any other trouble he gets into. We split every 3-6 months and then get back together after another 3-6months. Everytime he comes back he swears it will be different, and it is, for the first few mnths, then he goes back to his old ways and he leaves and parties and sleeps with all sorts of women...but when he's tired of that, he comes back again. I know I can do much better as I am very accomplished in my life and very independant, but I can't let go of the hope that one day he will change for good (even though I know he won't) and so I can' seem to let him go. It's like my heart is saying one thing and my head is saying another. I can eat or sleep and all I think about is what he's doing and who he's with. I love him so much, and i hate myself for loving him and believing he could give me and the kids what we need for the last 8 years. Because he does come back for a few months and gives us what we need, I feel like he is capable and so I hold on thinking one day he will realize it and change for good. But instead he comes back and the cycle continues. And I always believe that maybe this time will be different, maybe this time will last. Please help me. I don't know what to do......
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