I thought finding out about my husband's affair would be the hardest thing I ever had to endure. Unfortunately, it was just the tip of the iceberg. LIVING with knowing about it has proven to be the most challenging part. It seems the harder I try not to think about it, the more it comes to mind. I can't stand my own thoughts!!

I'm dreading Thanksgiving and I can't even think ahead to Christmas. I have always cherished our holiday family time, now I am wanting to avoid it. It just doesn't feel special anymore. Instead of spending the holiday at home with him, I've thought about going to the beach with my brother and sister-in-law. Maybe that way it wouldn't feel like a holiday and it wouldn't hurt so much???

I really need feedback. How do I handle the holidays? Beyond the holidays, why do I stay with him when I can't trust him? Why can't I be strong enough to walk away from him and restore my life? I know I don't deserve the way he has treated me...so why do I put up with it???