Do you have the time to volunteer, or give to a local charity... expecially if there are children involved, to see their faces light up when they know someone cares and is thinking of them!!! PRICELESS!!!

I read a previous post speaking of how they wrote down all the good times and then all the bad, which was much longer. They would re-visit their list to remind themselves of why the relationship couldn't continue. This is always a hard time of the year. You are a good person, dare to be happy.

When you learn more about yourself and living alone to the point where your happy and can keep yourself occupied you will see and feel a difference. It took me a few months but it worked. There was a time where I couldnt stand to be home...so I would drink as soon as I got off work...and then only go home when I knew I would sleep so that I wouldnt dwell and be all sad. It worked for a while, but then I started forcing myself not to dwell...and that was the kicker cause at the same time I got used to living alone. I finally got me a kitten too...cause being alone in the empty place that I moved into...was just too much on me at the time. Now my kitten is getting bigger...and is actually a "cat" now lol....well bigger I suppose. You will be happy as soon as your happy with yourself and not looking to him for any kind of dependency. I remember my process....so thats why I say this. Stay strong gurl.....stay strong. And you will be giving someone else advice...just like they gave me during my lonely days/nights. (((hugs)))

sometimes you have to "fake it until you make it"---put a smile on your face and do something nice for someone else. and give yourself some time to heal!

Sometimes you need to Learn how to be Happy. I did.

It was an interesting time of my life. I had just painted one wall of my bedroom a color that caught the sunlight just right. It gave me just a small spark of joy.

I started thanking God for the glow from that one wall. Then I went from there to how nice it was to walk down my hallway in the evening...

That was probably 10 years ago. It has been like working with lego's. You BUILD Happiness.

I hope that this makes sense.

Great advice. But I am TIRED of faking it. Don't I have to stop loving him before I can be happy without him. I just can't see how ANYONE can be happy when they aren't with the one they LOVE deeply. HOW?? Don't even seem possible.

the only way I can put it is this----the more happy experiences you have WITHOUT him---the more you can reflect w/o thinking about him all the time. so the more you get out and do things with friends and find things within yourself you are proud of the sooner you start healing (in my opinion).

I have been separated for 8 months. I still love my stbx but not as I did when we were married. I have accepted that I will never be with her again as husband and wife. I have brief moments where I am happy but it will take time to heal to a point where I totally content with my life. I realized that I need to get to a point in my life where I don't need anyone else to make me happy. I just need myself. You need to strive for that point.

I don't think you have to stop loving someone to be happy. After all, they will always have a place in your heart, but maybe not in your life. Think about YOU and what YOU want. Then go after it.

What if what I want is him???

So you really want him, if he treats you badly?

yes, I realize that you would like to be back with him---but realize a PERSON doesn't make you happy---happiness is a state of being. and unforunately (for you and I) it isn't our choice to be with us---it's theirs and they didn't choose us.

Honey, I don't want to seem cruel, but if you can't have him, then you need to move on and quit thinking things like that. Trust me, I can understand where you are coming from. But what the other posters here are trying very gently to tell you is find something other than "him" that you want! I know you understand this! There is really no answer to your question.... Sometimes you really have to fake it until before you know it it is no longer fake! I know at this time you cannot see that happening,,, but.. it will!
Bless you and we are all here for you!
Hugs!