I ignored his birthday completely... if you really feel it necessary to contact him, simply send an email that says "Happy Birthday" but don't expect anything in return... often times, you will get nothing back...

not sure what your situation is, what you do for his bday depends on the situation. if being a part from him is the best thing for you then i would say an impersonal gesture or none at all would be appropriate.
i cant relate to you because my husband leaving was the best thing. the first month was so so painful, but it slowly did get better. i had to learn to accept the truth of the situation. looking back on what he had done to me was painful but something i had to confront in order to move on. when i feel weak and want to give in and call him i ask myself...has he put any effort into making our relationship work? seems like the more i gave, the more he demanded, and the less he loved me. i have to start loving myself and stop feeling sorry for him.

I had this same dilemna on Thanksgiving. It felt very odd not to acknowledge him. I decided against emailing. You could send him the wrong message by emailing. Probably better to let him go to hit his bottom.

besides...you know what they say...no pain no gain. often the right thing to do is the hard thing to do, but always worth it in the end.

His birthday was on the 22nd, Thxgiving day -- I did nothing. I remember all too well that he said he wanted the divorce on 08/12/07, moved out on 08/16/07 (all the while saying there was no one else). I gave him a very simple anniversary card for our 8th anniversary on 08/21/07 sicne we were still planning to go on vacation in Septemeber and see what we wanted to do about the divorce in a civilized adn well-mannered way (he just looked at me when I gave him the card and said "what is this?") and then on 08/22/07 I found out about the married OW/employee/mutual friend --he had been with her the night before on our anniversary -- I had even talked to her on 08/21/07 not knowing she was having a sex affair with him and asked her for her opinion on a simple card and she approved it, all the while knowing she was going to spend that evening with him. I could care less about his birthday or any other day that has anything to do with him. He disrespected me, my family, my business, everyone, in the worst possible way.

So -- I wouldn't make too much of a fuss over his birthday, but that's based on my personal experience only.

I get text messages. Got one on Thursday, simply "Happy Thanksgiving". Got one at 1am 1/1, got one on my birthday last year too.

me being a guy, and also the same questions about my ex, i had to skate past the holiday/birthday as we are not there yet, where we can have contact or being sensible with each other without either making the other think "there still is a chance" or "ticking them off because they think i am not sincere." someday i want to be in a place where i can send a card or say happy birthday or give the kids money to buy something for their mother, but right now and its been almost six months, we are not at the right time. everyone is different. i didn't read your page directly, but if you guys are not on the same break up page, i would probably avoid any personal or intimate talk and just talk when needed about business/finance/children (if you have any). you will know when the time is right and for some, that time never comes. take care of yourself.

I do believe all of us have struggled with this issue. Do you recognize the birthday of your STBX, or ignore it?

I chose to ignore my ex's Birthday, we have no children together, no ties, etc. However I do recognize the birthday of my sons father (ex of nearly 8 yrs and a man I was married to for over 20 yrs.). He does the same with me...no gifts, a card or an e card! I think we do this because we each recognize the other as being a huge part of our son's life.

You know, bzena, since he is an addict, the pain you are feeling might be helped by Al Anon or by learning about codependency. We do get withdrawal pains from these people that are very particular.

My acknowledgement was making sure the kids called him. Our anniversary was father's day and neither of us said anything to eachother that day. I did have the kids wish him a happy fathers day, and give him their gifts.

i did the same shall i shant i and sent a tx message in the end just saying happy b around 7 in the eveing as though an after thought

i would be a bigger person just send a card.