Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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How can i trust him again?

deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband and I reconciled our marriage after 8 months apart. His unfaithful ways made me leave in the first place, but now im back and after individual counseling and couples counseling we have decided to "make it last" however being that he's in the navy he is stationed on a ship in San Diego which takes its next deployment in March. Iam having a hard time here in oklahoma trusting him..Checking his wireless bill and i find that my mind wanders when he doesnt call me after several hours, how can i overcome this?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I always figured the person who cheated would have to do whatever it takes to regain the trust they ruined. It's not up to you to learn to trust him..it's up to him to be willing to spend the rest of his life making this up to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your counselor should still be working with you on that issue. I am surprised. I will be hard to trust for a while, but what is your alternative?

If he was sincere throughout the counseling and has done the work, then you have to trust for now. He needs to earn back your trust, but it makes it harder that he is in the navy.

How much longer does he have in the service? Is this a lifetime career for him? It would be easier for you if he were closer. Do you think he will ever give up his life with the navy?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Bert,He has a year left in the navy. He has been trying get out since his first year. His great grandmother died in january, his mother in june and his grandmother in nov. We though they would let him out on a hardship but we were wrong. They gave him 2 weeks of leave and then he had to go back. But we can only go to our marriage counselor when he comes home to visit. Its mostly me who cant trust him. I think he still talks to the woman he met when we were seperated.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I doubt you ever will. I know if my stbx came back and wanted to make it work I would be doing the same thing you are doing and by all rights they should not be upset with you for checking. It was because of their actions in the first place that made you not trust them. I have been hurt so bad I know I would be checking on her if she agreed to stay and she would have to be ok with that if we were to ever make it work again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Trust is the hardest thing to fix, if you ever can.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its going to be hard but if you really want it to work then you will have to get over it. I know I could never trust the stbx again and never would try to get back with him. He has done to much damage.
deleted_user
deleted_user
To me, infidelity is a deal breaker. I'm not planning on having to worry about my stbx in that area anymore. But I wish you all the luck in the world..........
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