There was a time, not that long ago, where all I wanted was for the ex to come back and we would work out our problems and live happily ever after. I have been keeping that hope alive for a while now not even realizing that somewhere along the line, what I wanted changed.

Yesterday, I had a visit from one of his inner circle. She came in to tell me that he was going to be calling me to apologize and ask to come back. Usually these visits would leave me excited and getting ready. Yesterday, I just got a sick feeling in my stomach and the hope changed from an 'oh really, I hope so!' into an 'oh geez. I hope not'. At this point, everthing is changed. We can never go back to the way it was and I don't want to be with him any other way. I trusted and he betrayed. Why on earth would I want to be with someone who has proven himself untrustworthy? It would be lifelong misery to sit at home and wonder what he is doing and who he is with. I have had enough misery at this man's hands.

While I am far from being "over" the situations that brought me here. I have decided I will no longer hope for a life of misery and invite it back in. Instead I will hope for a life with peace of mind, belief that I did not deserve bad things to happen to me and the ability to trust again.