Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I told my stbx Id sign the divorce papers just to get her off my back while I was stuck in the house with her. Well I've been out for 4 weeks now and she mentioned it again, well she tricked me I think she said could I meet her downtown sometime and sign the papers. She told me of her infidelity September, and I moved out end of October. You don't just call up to your spouse job after not seeing them for a month, and never having a descent conversation but once (which was of no substance). I apologized but told her I do not want to divorce. I could of said give me time possible before we file contested, but I didnt get to even think once she started. She went ape sh$#$%t saying I was controlling her, then proceeded to call 5-6 times at my job to talk (yell) about it.
Later my female friend who has been through divorce spoke on my stbxs behalf since my stbx is half crazy with almost no communication skills. She says she thinks I'm going to feel like I have something over her with her parading with this or men yet still married. I could call her my wife still, and other little things. "who am I to control who she dates or her last name".
My point that is not what irreconcilable differences divorce papers say. If she wants to divorce attempt at reconciling. If not to stay married than do it long enough for open communication. Let me learn from you why we can not should not be married.
Simple;
If I can't control her and make her love me, and stay married. Who is she to make me un-love her and divorce. I should be given space to come to my own sense of the marriage.
Just as how women often twist mens arm to marry, she is wrong in either disregarding my feelings or twisting my arm. "Who is she to control me."
Later my female friend who has been through divorce spoke on my stbxs behalf since my stbx is half crazy with almost no communication skills. She says she thinks I'm going to feel like I have something over her with her parading with this or men yet still married. I could call her my wife still, and other little things. "who am I to control who she dates or her last name".
My point that is not what irreconcilable differences divorce papers say. If she wants to divorce attempt at reconciling. If not to stay married than do it long enough for open communication. Let me learn from you why we can not should not be married.
Simple;
If I can't control her and make her love me, and stay married. Who is she to make me un-love her and divorce. I should be given space to come to my own sense of the marriage.
Just as how women often twist mens arm to marry, she is wrong in either disregarding my feelings or twisting my arm. "Who is she to control me."
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Best of luck to you.
I think the key words here are "if I can't control her..."
I am sorry, but there is no "if" here. You can NOT control anyone but yourself. In your process of trying to control her, you are handing your power over to her.
May I suggest therapy to deal with all of your control issues? b/c they will keep you from doing exactly what you said you want to, which is "come to my own sense of the marriage."
Take the time you need to come to grips with it, but that is a separate issue from the legal proceedings.
You won't be able to control what she does, anyway. Whether you are married or not.
I appreciate your point because despite explaining my TRUE position about the uncontested divorce simply contracting that my stbx and I (AND I) agree we no longer wish to be together.
That quote you so eloquently cut and past (thats my favorite move lol, my wife refuses to use chat or email to communicate) are her words not mine. I think this has nothing to do with control. To tell you the truth since she has supposedly so "moved on" my signing any divorce cree should and is only about my feelings because lets not forget these are not "the good ole days" (being funny) if i contest which for now (only .83 percent of the time we've been married (can't help it physicist))I do, she can still divorce me without my consent only a judges consent is necessary if shes so hot and in a hurry.
She has the nerve to scream "but I have a way to do this for free" WTF! So What! Thats just how much my part of the marriage matters to her now that sounds controlling.
After awhile, things will calm down and they will pan out. If she really wants it, and where you are, she can really just have a judge di it, she will do it and it will be done.
I just think those that leave without reason, or a try or give someone a choice are selfish and cowardly to tell you the truth.
Look that same friend only recently (2 weeks ago (see what time can do?)) convinced me that with all my begging and guilt tripping I can do to her. Even if it worked, and we moved back in with each other I would be with a woman trapped an bound to me. Nothing more. This would be horrible for everyone. So again, stop with the controlling. If you can because though I am a man, my issue in the marriage was i was falling apart being in control of everything during the marriage this was a problem for me and she wouldn't talk about it when I would ask her either. So I also bye the way I was so excited when my friend explained what my stbx must have been going through. I understood her point (through my friend of course) but it makes complete since all of ya'll folks who believe controlling is my issue it makes sense on so many levels. Yet please make room that it is an assumption extremely educated and historically and biologically (male species) sound, yet an erroneous assumption.
In my state, irreconcilable differences requires a 6 months waiting period, IF both parties agree. Otherwise, it is 2 years. There is a reason for that.
especially the "high school or college relationship"
This is one of my favorite points for controlling myself. I could take the easy way, well easier and just say f#$@k her, and go out to the club, find my some big booty chicks and talk bad about her especially to her family etc. but this is grown up life, with two little children who I said I'd die for why can't I work till I can't to make this family work.
And bye the way "make" lol I mean make myself a better person let go of the drama and see if she grows up. It won't be forever and if I just wind up lookin like a chump, fine I'll were the egg on my face proud. I was marrying for life.