This is a normal phase during the early stages of the process.

It's ok to feel a little self-pity for a brief timeframe, but it is up to you to provide strength and leadership for your children.

Other people will see you for who you are. If you are needy and insecure it will be difficult to meet anyone of substance. If you are stable and confident it will be MUCH easier.

(I know, I know easier said than done at this point. But it will get better. A LOT better. Happiness is on the horizon, as well as peace of mind. It just takes time, and there are no shortcuts)

Notice i am not saying get counseling, etc. I am not pimping that option b/c i see your dilema as a fear of being alone, not truly a fear of losing HIM.

Remember, there are thousands of people in your county who would probably LOVE to trade places with you. You still have a lot to be proud of, and focus on the good things. Health. Children. Etc.

Hugs to ya jolaw. HANG IN THERE!!!

I am so sorry for what you are feeling but know that many of us feel all of those things and the great thing is that the feelings do change. We all are afraid, we all get sad and cry for no apparent reason... it's the realization that what you believed in will not be coming true. You will in time be able to envision you and your kids having a good life. Words are not necessary to show your kids you love them and will not abandon them, you don't need to be always strong, they will learn that in spite of the pain & heartache, you will have strength to move forward. Kids learn from seeing others overcome and they will be courageous in their lives : )

well put tup.
I agree. Just take a few deep breathes and remember that you are in the ealy stages and it does get better...I promise!
We are here if you need to talk.

baby steps-one day at a time-lets be frank-it has been almost a year for me and i still have the same confustion-time has helped but not has much as i would have like-this place has helped me more then anything so far-i am glad you found it we are all here to listen and help any way we can

I felt alot of the same emotions that you are going through right now. I went and and still see a shrink. It helped alot and made me focus on what I needed to do to get on with my life.
Seek some help and hang in there.

welcome to DS!

a lot of us on here have been in your situation. everyone deals with it differently. take the time to read the discussion threads and peep's journals. i have found complete solace here. in fact, i dunno where i'd be now without DS.

this is a great group of folks and a great support network. i hope you find the peace you seek. good luck to you!

Verbal abuse is something that I can understand is very harmful to us and our spirit, as well a breakup. There is a group here for physical and emotional abuse you might feel like looking at. There are alot of good groups here you may find comfort in. Codependency is a good group too if you find yourself unable to care for yourself and feel like you'd rather care for someone else. Anyway I am just letting you know what is helpful to me. I hope you find some relief.

For right now go ahead and feel and think anything you want to, it is ok to feel what you feel and think what ever your thoughts are. Damn your going through a divorce it sucks it hurts, its confused emotions, it;s everything that you are feeling. It's a long hard road, You made a great first step by coming here. WE all here feel and care, you will get all the support you want. (((((((HUGS))))))

Hang in there if only for you and your children. They need you now and you need them. Come on here, read, write and share. This website has been a godsend for me. My husband still says mean things to me as we are still in the same house but it will get easier I promise, when he said something the other day i actually laughed at him. It felt so good. And it will feel good again for you. Don't worry about meeting someone else. now is the time to focus on you.

You just keep typing away and asking all the questions you want. One of us in here sooner or later will ring that bell inside of you. Then you will say oh how true.Stay with us. always be true to yourself

Tup that was good. It is such a hard road, but your children really need you right now. The panic can overwhelm you, write in a journal or talk with a friend. Find some way to find perspective. This is so very hard.

the best i can say to you is this...you are in a big boat with alot of nice people. when you feel the absolute worst..is when you need ds the most. if i had a dime for everytime a friend from here pulled me off the ledge..talked me down from the clift...i'd never have to work again! and that IS the truth.

like tup said...you're at the early stages of the process. everyone handles it differently. i am at a different "stage" than you are, but we all sometimes go back & forth. i've taken 3 steps forward only to go a mile backwards some days. and some days....you simply gotta take it second by second, then progress to minute by minute and so forth. your focus has to be on yourself and your children. it's hard honey...it's really really hard. but again, you are not alone.

and again...i'm gonna give tup credit...he is right - people will see you for who you are.

if you've forgotten who you are..after a little time has passed you can start focusing on finding that woman again. that strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who is inside you. she's there...she's just a little lost right now. but you will find a way. you WILL FIND A WAY!!!

everyone that is on this site has been somewhere on the path you are on. there is a wealth of help, support, friendship and yes, love, here. use it, soak it up...and then, when you're ready...you can pass that on...

peace sister...

Welcome to DS; home of no BS! You don't have to take any BS anymore. So that's a start of something good!

All of your emotions are normal. They are just on auto-pilot and soaring to unsafe altitudes and then dropping back down like a rock. Nothing you can do but ride it out. Gotta hate em! Just hold on; it's a rough ride but what you learn in the process will make you a better woman...not a bitter one. You will make it through this if you stay honest with yourself and seek help! Just like you're doing right now. Jungle Jim said it SO well. "Keep typing." Keep talking. Try to push those negative thoughts away. Be prepared for the angry thoughts, the thoughts of taking the easy way out and choking on your pride to accept what you don't deserve. You don't deserve to be treated like this. You're children don't either. Remember that and you will be fine ....sorry, but in keeping with the no BS rule ... I must warn you, it just won't be anytime real soon.

Hang in there! We're here for you! Margie

I'm with ya- after twenty years of marriage and six weeks of HELL- I still would do anything to fix us, I still love him, but he has no desire to work things out- just wants to fight over money and take all he can. I don't even know him anymore- he is heartless and I think incapable of true love. I made it a few days w/o crying last week. I felt stronger and then we had court today and I watched him lie under oath and got depressed all over again. He hasn't left so it's like he died but I still have to hear his laughter, see his face but not have his heart. In fact he's been cruel and emotionally abusive. See your Dr. anti-deppressants do help, just be careful what kind. I'm on Celexa and it seems to be helping "a bit" takes 3-4 weeks, I've heard lexipro and Zoloft give good result. I had an awful reaction to wellbutrin but for others it works so talk to your DR. I take two Benadyl every night to get 6 hours sleep and Ativan occassionaly when I can't stop a crying jag. I didn't take ANY thing EVER prior to this- I hate all drugs- but this seems neccesary and is helping- I will wean myself off in a year or two when I get through this. Good luck to you and just focus on your kids. We all deserve true unconditinal love!

thank you all, a new day for me I have yesterday just phoned Centrelink and applied for the unemployment payments. That was really hard and I was terrified, but I was talked throught it. I will fail the application but have been advised that I can appeal that under "financial hardship" so they will have a good look. My family are desprate for me to get a lawyer and ensure that I get reasonable assets but right now they are so far away and have no idea of the mess I am in. It is easy, I guess to see a problem with someone else and give great advise that ensures they get what they deserve but emotionally I am just not ready to go down that road. I am blown away by the responce I recieved and have to say point blank I thought I was alone and to find that many other people care enought to respond was amazing.

I thank you all for that.

Then I feel so screwed up even more as I find a group of people that care that don't know me and have no obligation to me and the one I was to grow old with, my best buddy is off in party mode living it up. So the self pity kicks in and I hate him more.