Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Help Please !!!!!

keepthehope
keepthehope
Its not like I didn't know this is happening. She told me she wanted to see other people during speration. I didn't agree with it.
I felt like hell that my daughter was crying when she went to bed because she couldn't talk to my wife on the phone because she wasn't home and I confirmed it I went around the corner at 150AM and took a look in the garage and the car was gone. She was not at the house she is over at his house sleeping with him. I hurt so much for myself and for the kids. She betrayed me in every way. I need to start this divorce process. Do I let her know that I know she was away from home or do I ask her how was your night, our daughter was crying and wanted to talk to you we called around 9 you must have been asleep, and see if she lies about it and use this as eveidence in more divorce? Should I go to that level?
patti22
patti22
Document it, but do not let her know. It is possible, not likely, but possible she was not with him. So document everything to show your lawyer, they will know what to do with the info. Sorry for what you're going through, I know it hurts like crazy.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Take a deep breath! Okay you say you knew it was happening but the reality of the situation is still quite a shock. It sounds to me like she is using the separation as a time to figure out if it will work with the other person. Are you willing to wait and see? That is the question you need to ask yourself. Take care, Beth
deleted_user
deleted_user
patti22 is right, document, but don't confront. In my mind, separation is for reflection, not test drives. Be strong for your daughter and do some reflecting yourself.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The initial shock when you catch them is overwheleming, it will fade, but I must tell you the truth, it took a lot of tears and a lot of time.
keepthehope
keepthehope
Could it be that I am overly protective of the kids and that my behavior is not helping them but hurting them? Its not like I am the one doing the evil deed.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would get lawyer. I also would not say a word about anything, not even the time of day, to her. I would start to live my life without her. Try to get custody of your daughter but dont hold your breath. Courts dont have time to pass judgement in most cases and give custody to mother.

I have heard that the only way a man can get custody other than wife granting it is by proving one or more of 3 things beyond a shadow of a doubt.

1. She whores around
2. She is addict
3. She is mentally unfit
deleted_user
deleted_user
i agree document it. in my state, fl its no fault so its all about parenting. the adultery isnt a biggie..too bad for the good guys.. sometimes our stbx make it easy chosing to file for divorce or not.
Che2
Che2
I wouldn't agree with it either. I do agree with dumped..she is making this decision easy for you. I would tell her to get a cell phone so that her children can reach her while she is out with the guys..but that's just me..and I'm not nice about stuff like that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The courts do not really care what the reason for the divorce. Custody is determined by which parent can provide the "better" atmosphere. Yes you are hurt that she was out. Realize that she was out on a night when she knew your child was being cared for...so that really is going to mean NOTHING. Also since you really don't know where she was, it could have been something innocent not involving another man or a date.

Division of assets, support, alimony etc. is based on what is owned, who makes what etc.

Right now I think you are tormenting yourself, though we all tend to do it.
keepthehope
keepthehope
True courier I don't know for 100% without driving over tho the guys address or calling his number, both of which I have. I couldn't wake the kids up or leave them here to prove otherwise. But the signs are there, phone number in call log outing and incoming a bagged packed for a overnight stay I found. She has been upront with me and I think she uses the sepration as a vaildation to go cheat.
keepthehope
keepthehope
I have been up since 130AM and can't sleep its now 450AM I need to get the kids up by 615 and ready for school. I am not going into work. I still need more support please help
patti22
patti22
I know the feeling. Hard to be a good parent without sleep. I wish I could make your stbx work on it, but I can't. You need to make plans for life without her. It will make you feel a lot better if you do. Think about whether you want cutody, what child support will be, where you want to live. When you don't have the kids, get yourself out there...anywhere. Divorce support group, church group, book club, biking, anywhere. Do not sit home alone. Think of the things in the house you will definitely want to keep. And make at least one visit to an attourney.
deleted_user
deleted_user
technically, if you're seperated, you're seperated. I don't know about your state but that doesn't neccessarily translate to adultery nor in most states is it even plausible. Only thing to remember herre, is you decided not to "see" other people and it hurts you I know. At least if you're sure you want the divorce be sure you won't go back. That's a biggie there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with zoot. Get a lawyer and keep quiet. Custody, in Canada anyway can be split. If your wife is not mentally ill its almost impossible to get sole custody. Just be the best father you can be as your daughter is going to need help through this as well. As for yourself, also seek counselling. A divorce, from my understanding is not easy to over-come.
gook luck and stay strong!
keepthehope
keepthehope
JT we didn't legally seperate it was understtod that this break she wanted was time alone. Apparently she meant it for me cause she sure the hell isn't alone. That being said she did the deed there is no turning back from that. How can I even look at her anymore.
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