Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

9,230 Members
98,940 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Help me move on please?

deleted_user
deleted_user
How do I do it?

How do I just forget the man that I love and move on? I've had no closure. That last time we spoke everything was fine. We said goodbye that morning and told each other "I love you, talk to you tonight." Then 2 days later he's emailing me telling me he can never talk to me again... but he'll email and keep in touch.

The last time I heard from him was the 21st of January. I don't know if he is alive or dead. If he's in the hospital or not... (he has heart problems).

I know I need to move on and I have been trying. But my heart is holding me back. How do I let go? I keep hoping he'll call me one day and say that he's sorry for putting me through all this pain and crap and that he wants to be with me. That he's broken free of his family (very controlling family) and everything is going to be okay.

I'm so lonely and scared. I've tried no contact and well... that doesn't go over well. I keep emailing him yet I get nothing in response. I've tried dating.. ugh bad move there. Nobody is like him... he is/was so sweet and caring and I loved him I still do. So damned gorgeous too!!

I tried keeping busy.. but that can't be done 24 hours a day.

What did you do? how did you do it? I know some of you have moved on and I need to know how... please? I feel like I'm dying on the inside this week... I've been so good up until now too... why does this hit me so suddenly and then the world looks so bleak and dreary without him in it. :(
deleted_user
deleted_user
I journal, talk to friends, go to counseling, argue with his picture. Sometimes it helps .........sometimes it doesn't.

I can't say that I know completely how you feel as my relationship ended differently, but I do get the letting go part. It just takes time. I know that something you don't want to hear as I didn't want to hear it either......I wanted to do something that would work IMMEDIATELY! It just hard to let go of something that was such a huge part of your life.

I wish I was more help. (((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
Rather than sending him emails, write those emails in your journal instead. You may never get the answers you want on why he left. You will have difficult days (and I'm sure with Valentine's day coming it's tough). Sometimes you just have to give in to them, cry, and then push yourself to have a better day tomorrow.

I also think you have to accept that it is over between you. It is clear that he is not responding to your emails.

I know this is painful for you. Hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I do journal... it does work most of the time. I get my feelings out and then I don't think about it again. But for some reason this week it hasn't worked.

I'll get over this... I just wish I had a date to tell my heart - as of February 28th you'll be better and you won't hurt anymore and you'll move on and find a new love... not one as great as he was... but a second best love.

sigh... when great love is rejected everything shuts down... it hurts and in time you do move on. But nobody will ever be good enough for that great love again. You will find somebody to love but they will be loved second best.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh Rj, I am so sorry you are feeling this way.

Do you have friends around that can hang out with you, maybe catch a movie, cook dinner together, take a walk-- anything, just to occupy yourself and try to get your mind off of him even if only for a few moments?

It sounds like you are waiting for him to just come back, and that you may be giving yourself some false hope in the form of fantasies (like the one where he breaks free of his controlling family.) Something HAS happened -- he has cut off contact with you for some reason, one which you may never know, and one that may very well be out of your control. Regardless, you really need to take care of YOU, and try to get through this. And you WILL get through this. I know, it is SO cliche, but time helps, and it has only been a few weeks. Cut yourself some slack, allow yourself to grieve, and be kind to yourself.
(((((((((((((Rj)))))))))))))))))
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know the common DS advice is do not date if you aren't ready. But... my counsellor told me the opposite. She said to move on I have to get out there and date whether I'm ready or not.

Obviously, not kissing or getting to serious. Just coffee dates and try to have fun.

Have you gone to a counsellor yet? I have and think I need to keep going too. :(

We'll get through it just takes a long time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am sorry that happened to you....it is hard to have closure when there is none.

I would journal, talk to friends....and do your things that you like doing. It's okay to feel alone, or upset.....do let your feelings out...don't hold them in.

I wish I could help more....
deleted_user
deleted_user
You're right about Vday...

Last year on Vday he asked me well committed to me and our marriage. We set the date that day... and wrote our vows together. I remember everything. He actually asked me to marry him on the 28th of January. But the 14th was made special by setting the date and writing our vows...

*takes a deep breath*

I can't make him come back to me, I can't make him choose me over his family... I can just be me and live the best way I can...

right?

Ugh why doesn't that help?!
pianogirl
pianogirl
It must really be hard to move on when you have no explanation or reason, especially when he said he would keep in touch- it's like you're left hanging. Perhaps you could find closure looking back at the relationship more realistically. Are there warning signs you ignored? Are you sure you're not idealizing it into what you wanted instead of what it really was? I could be way off base, so I hope I don't offend, but it might help you put it behind you to do that. (((((HUGS)))))
deleted_user
deleted_user
RJ....I'm sorry things have been so hard. I know you've been putting a lot of energy into trying to move past this. I also know how deeply you love him and that having no closure is hurting you.

Zach may not be able to give you that closure, so you can move on. You know that many here never get the closure part from their ex. You are going to have to create your own closure.

You need to give yourself time. You have a raw, gaping, wound and those take care and time to heal. It's been only a short amount of time that all this has happened. You know as well as anyone that it takes longer than this to move on past the loss of a relationship with someone you love.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself time. See the grieving for what it is, honor it, and tend to it . You've been through a lot, but you can get through this.


(((((((((((((((((RJ)))))))))))))))))
deleted_user
deleted_user
This just sucks
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know it does darlin'.

Pain and grief always do.

(((((((RJ)))))))
deleted_user
deleted_user
rj - sorry I don't know you or your history with your relationship.. the little that i gather from what you wrote - that you were planning to get married, had written your wedding vows, etc. wow, and then he breaks up with you ON EMAIL???? how bizarre and rude. No wonder you don't have any closure!!! I have to ask though... was there anything at all about recent behaviour or your recent contacts that could lead you to understand that this was coming? Were you fighting? was the family getting more involved? vocal? was there tension? was he expressing doubt? there must have been some warning signs. Can you use those to give you better understanding? Is there anyway to start re-organizing this information to see him in a way that is somewhat LESS than this perfect dream boat that he has become? (I know that i can make my ex into a dreamboat by focusing only on the wonderful promises, but the fact was, in reality HE DID NOT DELIVER!! I need to remember that. Because that was the kind of man he was). I don't know if this helps you. best of luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
good advice from need2bme
deleted_user
deleted_user
Need2be... the sad thing... I can answer yes to all your questions.

I guess I was living in doubt and a bit of a dream world. I knew he was having a hard time... but I figured he was strong enough to get over it and move on... with me.

I have to wonder though. Am I grieving the loss of my love or the fact that here I am 36 years old and single and childless?

We had dreams... a lot of them. Dreams that I thought never would come true. Here I am yet again with my dreams crashing into the rocks. I feel very unfulfilled and not good enough for anything or anyone.

Blah... Where did my positivity and great outlook on life go?!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh wait... we weren't fighting... never did not even once.

So I guess I can't answer yes to all your questions... there was one No... sigh :(
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • amazinggrace15

    Update

    Posted by: amazinggrace15
    Last Reply: yougospam
    16
    I haven't  posted for awhile.  As most of you know my X passed away in January. Everyone was dealing with their emotions. After that my daughter got a protective order against her boyfriend so I have been trying to be supportive of her.  Looks like I will be helping out financially  soon.And then, on Good Friday my brothers wife was admitted with acute leukemia which blindsided everyone.I...
  • joannklingaman

    Grief

    Posted by: joannklingaman
    Last Reply: MrsMorris
    10
    A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...