Thanks for asking this question...it was on my mind today. Can't wait for the answers. I know that i will at least ask for 1/2 of his 401K, 1/2 equity in the house, 1/2 other retirement, and a bit of alimony. He can shove most of our personal belongings up his ass..."can't sell them...dont want them"...

I personally walked away with only what I came into this marriage with. BUT, he pays his first wife child support (which is a given and I never resented that), a significant settlement for what she felt was her share of the business he owns, he also has a financial obligation to her father in law that she walked away from AND he has to maintain a life insurance policy in her name and one in his name. That means he pays for BOTH policies. All I can say is WOW. He got the shaft and she doesn't have to work.

Also, you need to address the tax consequences ie: who will claim the children in what years etc. That should be spelled out in the final decree so you won't have to go back to court to address it.

Mine has been over for a while. Your post reminds me of those days.

I am very pleased she did not get anything near what she truly wanted. That fact was a big help on the road to recovery. I know in my heart to this day she is fuming mad. For some reason this pleases me.

Your lawyer should spell out what you will get with accuraccy.

The most important things in my separation agreement are :

Neither can move our son more that 30 miles from the other.

Neither can have 'sleepovers' with a member of the opposite sex when son is present.

We will each do our best to help our son have a good relationship with the other.

Also, things like health care insurance for our son, school expenses, etc.

Thanks, these are all helpful. Zoot, what was it that she wanted and you didn't want her to have?

No overnight visits with members of the opposite sex when children are in custody.

Let's see, mine was VERY simple as we didn't have much to split so to speak.

*I retain physical custody (we have shared legal custody)
*Court ordered CS payments
*All housing expenses paid(rent,utilities, home phone & cable) as long as I remain in this house. Upon moving, everything reverts back to agreed upon $$$ amount that is written into the divorce settlement. Presently the basic housing costs are a little over double of what the ordered CS payments would be.
*I maintain the health insurance for the kids (through my job). He is in no position to even afford ins for himself let alone the kids.
*I retain ownership of all life insurance on him.
Everything was cut and dry.

My STBX claims she doesn't want anything from me. Of course, I'll gladly pay child support and more, and probably help her with a few bills for a while, but I don't think she's even going to hire an attorney.

She had absolutely nothing when we met, and she likes to remind me of that and the fact that she is used to having nothing.

I have an attorney to protect myself and to get all of that in writing, but I really believe, even after what we are going through, that she is telling me the truth when she says she doesn't want anything from me financially.

If you are receiving child support &/or spousal support, ask for him to pay for (or at least split the cost) a term life & disability ins policy to cover that support should something happen to him. Also ask that he make your children beneficiaries of any other insurance policies.

getting out with my self-respect intact!

I don't know what laws would be in Your State, but in California I was able to have our agreement made "Irrevocable".

He can't go back in a year and beg "Poor" and have it adjusted downward. I am the only one that can let him off the hook. (Yes, if he becomes ill and I am fine, I will end the agreement)

IF you have Alimony-that is something that I would suggest looking into.

Another thing-IF there is a chance of him being to make a "lump sum" settlement at Any Point before the Alimony would run its course, look into taking that-it might be a good deal for Both of you.

This is great. This is like gold. Please keep it coming.

All I can say is get yourself a competent lawyer. She/he will help you with what is legally yours.

great question! I'm writing down in my divorce book as I read. Things I didn't even think of yet. Keep them coming those of you that are done with this phase! you are helping tremendously!

If you decide to buy the X out, how did you value the house? I got a prelim comp appraisal but I don't want to pay for a full one if he is going to ignore it. And did you deduct selling costs?