Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Help-I'm in a bad place again

deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm looking around me and feeling so stupid for being 36 and not having anything to show for 11 years of marriage. I was a single mother when my ex met me, I had just finished putting myself through college.

I helped him through grad school and then we spent several years paying off my student loans and credit card bills from when he was in college.

I took our savings when I left - as my 1/2 of the equity in our house. We didn't own a house for very long. The money is enough to pay off my car and I hope to have a little left to put into savings - as long as he manages money ok during the next few months and I don't have to use it to pay for things and keep my credit good.

So here I am with only enough furniture for a small 1 bedroom apartment and my car and 2 dogs. That's all I have to show for all this. All these years spent being a mom, being a wife and now I have nothing. I hopefully won't have any debt when all this is said and done - but I'm worried because that's only if he keeps his act together and things all go ok with the divorce process.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is SO hard - - stay strong. I was crying again today - thinking about what his OW would think if he had full custody - I bet she would run for the hills -
deleted_user
deleted_user
i was married for 8 yrs&we did bankruptcy,a9&a 13! my credit is no good either &he's married again allready! i moved in with parents becouse my disability ck is not enough for bills&food&2 dogs! Keep your head up,lilsam&good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
EDUCATION... that is a huge SHOW, and you did do that for you, forget him.

I think you underestimate that education and the time, effort it takes to get it done, and paid for.

Hold on to those 11 years that you paid for in the lessons learned in life, and move forward to a new LIFE with lessons that are positive and continue making you a priority.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Instead of thinking of about what you don't have, why don't you put your energy into what you do have? Positive thinking helps!!!!
Loveya!
J
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know this is hard to hear, but take a step back--wow, what a lucky woman you are. I've read too many true struggles of self survival to be misguided to believe that anyone that "only" has an apartment, a car, no debt. Even if he doesn't manage right--and you only get a little bit of it. You are still lucky and blessed.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel for you--after 24 yrs and raising my children into adults I thought I'd be cruising on into the sunset and starting to enjoy the fruit of my labors. However, here I am starting over at 46. Before I get into too big of a pity party I have to remember how far I've come in 4 months and how peaceful my life is now. I'm enjoying doing my own thing and many evenings getting to do exactly what I want to do... It's nice. Think of all your blessings and I'm sure ther are many for someone as caring as you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am in a similar situation after 15 years. It is so hard to stay positive some days. BUT -- WE WILL SURVIVE....!!! You are already ahead because you have an education, I wish I did...You are young and so many opportunities await you...stay strong....I will keep you in my thoughts.
deleted_user
deleted_user
SAm, I posted a thread about peace of mind...I think you should read it.

When I moved into thus apartment I had a bed..two mattresses sitting on the floor...Actually they're still on the floor...I had a pot, a pan, a plate, a glass, a fork and a spoon. I walked away from the place we shared together with a TV...I didn't take our bed..actually I took very little...I took a few clothes and just bought more...I'm 33 and I didn't have half as much as you did in a savings account...My point is that I was perfectly fine with it and knew I would be ok...and so will you.
CanadianRose
CanadianRose
Please be strong..and have faith that he will be good with the money.

Time to think positive and be grateful for what you have now..you have accomplished a lot and you are standing strong still.

After 26.5 years.. well I have little.. not even a bed to sleep in at night.

we bought the house one year before the divorce....a steal of a deal from my folks...I have 3 little girls, we are doing okay, we are surviving...we know we are free, we have less stress now.

so.. poor material wise...but rich in heart, hope and spirit... you have to know you have survived a lot... the rest is just stuff.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hon, we all feel this way......why.....?????lost, stolen, helpless, it sucks....I am here for ya.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know you are all right. I have been fighting back this sense of hopelessness all week. I worked so hard for so many years and my family was all that mattered to me. It's not just the material things, it's the fact that all my dreams feel like they are gone now.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well, you may not have much stuff, but frankly, who needs it?? You have an education, children, pets, and your freedom and your samnity. NOT BAD!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can not believe how hard it can be. I am sitting here without my girls and feeling sorry for myself. my marriage lasted 12 years and though I still have quite a bit i still feel like I have nothing at times. Hold on and remember to contact friends and family. people do care and YOU ARE SOMEONE SPECIAL!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You have spirit to show for 11 years of marriage, you have pride that you did everything to make it work, you have your children, your education and the gift of new found freedom. You can teach your kids strength, and that love is what it takes to carry on...also, you have 2 dogs, and we know animals love unconditionally.
Material things can be replaced, but know sense of self is worth everything! It's ok to vent..we're here for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Add fifteen years to your age and that is mine. I wish I was 36 again, to have the youth and energy, but I won't see it. If someone had told me this is where I would be at this age, I wouldn't have believed it. You have enough money to pay off your car and not make car payments, you have a place to live. I've worked with the homeless and many of them would like to be where you are. Not to minimize what you are feeling- your feelings are your own and you're entitled to them. But you are blessed. All of us on here are, because we have the means to reach out to each other who feel our pain and can inspire us. An attitude of gratitude will bring more good things. Love and hugs......
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