interesting. i was talking to someone about this just the other day about the types of people we attract; how they are usually similiar, how i can (and they could too) look back at the relationships we've been in and there were similar threads tying them together. for me, ive attracted men to me that are similar to my father. not in every, every way- but their core was for the most part. it was felt that once we are healed, learn to love ourselves, rebuild our lives that perhaps we will attract a different type of person, since obviously being attracted to this similar kind hasnt worked.

is this the case with you? have you always attracted the same type of person to you in relationships? maybe work on yourself awhile? learn to love you? and come out of that with a fresh new "energy" and you may end up attracting a different kind of person.

one question- when they did these things- not playing with kids, not planning anything, not doing any of the household chores- did you discuss with them how you felt about it or try to find different ways to express this is something that you needed? maybe working on communication skills might help? why was that enough from them for such a long time? why did you tolerate it when it wasnt changing? i guess thats more than one question. and i am sure you are working thru it. not sure- dont know the full situation.
best of luck. xoxo

That was my expectation of marriage and a relationship. That's what I've grown up seeing with my parents. How I managed to settle on a "man" that has no initiative is beyond me!

I don't know how to not choose that kind of "man" again, but I do know I'll be doing more homework before choosing my next partner.

Sorry I dont have any advice! Sometimes it helps knowing you're not the only one in the boat! ;-) ((HUGS))

I don't know either. My relationship with my ex was the same as yours.I never felt we were partners.

You have a pretty good list of judgement about your husband. Very useful. Read the book of Byron Katie " I need your love - Is that true?" or " loving what is"
Reading the book helped me to see my husband in a very different light - and myself as well
good luck - cheers

Ditto for me she took me for pretty much every dime I made she would of taken my life savings if I let her. Trashed every car I bought her pretty much beat the shit out them wouldnt even change the oil. I dumped thousands of dollars in her house. I never got anything in return but lies empty promises and spit on and stabbed in the back and my life torn to peices. This question you put up is hard to answer. In life theres givers and takers seems to be more takers than givers.

I have been married twice in 21 years. When I was with my first wife it was like your marriages because that was the woman she was and still is. Over time with some of the first and second I have grown and help with everything. When the last X got her place she was cooking her first dinner there. She told my daughter this is the first time in 7 years that she cooked dinner. I am working on getting back with the first X.

Well.... I was a stay at home dad who cooked, cleaned and also did the laundry. I mowed the lawn did the grocery shopping and kept our two little boys active. I was the one who read and helped them with their homework. Weekends were family time spent at the beach or parks. We had a good sex life and had dinners out by ourselves. I would even tivo my sports as a compromise to her! What I got in return was a wife who left her two little boys and myself for a co-worker.....completely out of the blue.

@ Cudaman she must have been a relative of mine she blew 2 engines. lol

I have awesome communication skills and was pretty clear about what was needed. I put up with the first marriage because of the kids, but finally gave up when he insulted me beyond repair in front of a table full of business associates. I guess how he was raised played a huge role in this. His father and he were just alike. Only thing is....it's not the 50's anymore.

The second one was 10 years younger. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for his immaturity way too long. He also had lots of other issues with alcohol and drugs. By the time I realized I couldn't remain, my kids were hovering around the age of adulthood. Waited until they were on their own.

Both were Libra's, which is supposedly the best sign for an Aries......guess not.

I don't think expecting a real partnership is unrealistic. I couldn't have an adult conversation with my ex on budgets, spending, or savings either, which was really frustrating since he was good at spending too much money. I'm going to take time to heal and the next time, and I truly hope there is one in spite of my current pain, must be a real partnership with someone with similiar values. There should be give and take by both parties. Good luck to you.

I was in this relationship. This is the one I am leaving right now. And he is convinced I asked to much from him. I only asked the things that I actualy did for him. Granted I may not have verbaly 'asked' in the beginning, but learned from our marriage therapist that he isn't psychic and I have to ask for the things I need. It just seems cheesy to ask him to go ahead and fix me a cup of coffee when he is pouring his cup in the morning, just seems he would have wanted to . . I went many years thinking i was asking to much. I really doubted myself for a long long time.

I feel you on this one, it is a deep emotional pain, and then to think of even getting in a relationship now? Hahahahahaha. I am not sure I am up for the assumption that he (who ever) will have enough respect for the woman he is with (me) to do the little things. Just cause he wanted to, not because I had to ask him to.

Huggs for you darlin.