I saw my ex for the first time since our break up last night. He was with his new girlfriend. He called my son the night before to talk to him and he eventually told him where he was going last night. He failed to mention that he would be with her. (This man is not my son's father). My son thought maybe he was trying to make amends. Anyway, I spotted him right off the bat. I could not keep my eyes off of him. Then during the intermission he actually came up to where we were sitting and spoke to my mother. He never even spoke to me. I froze when I saw him. I could not move. I could not breathe. I had to leave the game early because I could not handle it. Then the hurt came rushing back and not I am back where I was about 2 months ago. This time I believe it is worse because I have come to the realization that he never really cared about me. I feel like he used me and lied to me for over 3 years. He never did tell me that he loved me but he always told me that actions speak louder than words and I went by his actions. His actions told me that he cared. Now comes the realization that he never did and I cannot believe or understand how someone could use someone else for that long. I gave him several opportunties to walk away and he never took me up on them until he met his woman. Now he is saying we were only friends. How could you sleep with a person that you only considered a friend? He never mentioned that to me. He gave the impression that we were more than friends. I don't just sleep with anyone and I am totally devastated. I feel like I am not worthy of being happy. I have had so many bad things happen to me over my adult life that I cannot handle any more. This was the only time that I was truly happy and content with my life. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy anymore. I feel like nothing good will happen to me and I am ready to just give up.
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