Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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He's Begging. NEED Support

deleted_user
deleted_user
My stbx whom cheated on me and treated me terribly the last 6 months. He told me he wanted something better (girlfriend at work).Said he hadn't liked me in a LONG TIME, ect, ect ect......Well now he is now begging me to take him back. He wants his life and family back. He says that he knows what he wants NOW.

I said, NO, it's too late. He treated me so horribly; cheating and all of the hurtful and mean things that he has said and done. I just cannot get past what he has done. I will forgive him in time, but I just cannot let him back in my heart.

I feel so guilty, its just not fair!!!!! I feel bad because of the kids, and who really wants to be ALONE??? In my heart I know I don't want him back... I JUST FEEL SO GUILTY for saying NOOOO..

Please offer your thoughts...... Thanks!
deleted_user
deleted_user
i forgave him and took him back- only made him more confident to pull a bigger jerk move - don't feel guilty, lonely or dwell on any positive aspect of his character - I hate to say it, but remember what he did to you and remember that past behavior is the best indicator/predictor for future behavior. Forgiving doesn't mean subjecting yourself to the same pain again. Be strong!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sweetie I am there too.. minus the kids.... I can't trust the man and I can't stomach being in the same room with him, but I feel for him... pretty messed up I know but the guilt is sometimes overwhelming...here's how I manage to deal.... he made the choice to cheat, he wrecked verything and killed my love and broke my heart... did he feel guilty then? My guess is the grass wasn't greener.... too bad!!!!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just Say No! God, I have wondered what I would do if he regretted his decisons and begged me back (he hasn't) -- I have firmly decided that I would Just Say No!

I a, sure there are those who have other opinions.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is a hard life taking a cheater back. You'll always wonder if he's talking to the other woman if he's on the phone or if he's meeting her when he walks out the door. Take it from me. Just let him go. Also, is he wanting to come back because the other woman dumped him? He'll play on your pity as much as you'll allow him. If you make up your mind to let him come back, limit your contact with him. Keep it strickly about the children. Best of luck. There is a great life out there waiting for you and someone truly to love.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's pretty complicated, I know. You'd be thinking about what his motivations are for returning. Was he rejected and can't find anyone else so returns to his comfort zone. Were you giving him indications that you wanted him back? It could have been as suttle as the hurt you couldn't hide. Unfortunately time will tell whether or not he has learnt a valuable lesson. If he has learnt then you couldn't ask for a better situation as he was the guy you used to probably love and adore dearly and he is also the father of your children. If he hasn't learnt anything then you wouldn't want to jerk yourself around again. Time will test his true motivation.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wish that I had had the strength to say no when my ex said that we could work it out and that he really loved me. I initially said no, not after all you have done, but the seed had been planted and the idea grew until there I was trying 100%. He did more to hurt me in that month than the 3-1/2 years prior. It was almost like he just wanted to see if he could get me back. Sure wish I had gone with my initial feeling, which was "Warning - stay away from this lying, manipulating person - he has not changed from the person you left. Well, I am pretty sure that I have the knowledge cemented in my brain now. Do what is best for your well being. I believe that children are happiest and healthiest when they observe their parents happy and healthy.
solongbye
solongbye
I went through this at least 5 times last year. He would come home, "cheat" on the other woman and then leave again because I didn't trust him, or couldn't forgive him. The hell that my children and I went through was incredible. I really think that once a cheater always a cheater. To have crossed the line onc makes it so much easier to keep crossing it. I am now divorced and honestly it is the best thing for the kids and I. He still cheats on the OW, but now it isn't my problem.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mine told my COUNSELOR he still loves me and wants to reconcile because he can't tell me himself. A couple things he overlooked - he didn't acknowledge anything he's done AND I am not going to fall for that twice. Happen once shame on you. Happen twice shame on me!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm going through the guilt thing also. My stbx offered to work on things after 3 years apart. For the first 1.5 years I tried to get her to come back. Then I gave up and filed. When the divorce was imminent she said she'd work on things. I told her it was WAY, WAY too late. Now I feel like the homewrecker! It sucks!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you so much for your responses so far. I have to say that I haven't done anything that I am aware of to "lead him on" in regards to reconciling. However I am sure he misses his kids. He used to be great dad, until the "other relationships" started......

The things ya'all have said is exactly what I am afraid of. Some damage just cannot be undone, ever.

Thank you again friends! Please keep it coming!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I took my STBX back. He said they same things yours is saying. Now he has changed his mind again. JUST SAY NO.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mine offered to buy me a new car. When that didn't work, he then one night came here and while we were outside, he actually got on his knees and started begging. Yes I felt sorry for him, but told him no that I could not do it again. I have no trust in him as far as our relationship and that is not what I want in a marriage. I want to be with someone I can trust completely. I told myself that this time I am sticking to my guns and I will.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Take it from someone who has taken the stbx back 3 times if you can resist do it. I think in my case going back and forth has done more damage to the kids than leaving would have. I think they are better off being from a broken home than living in one. I still love my husband and I think i always will but I think sometimes that is not enough to get past all the crap
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have no trust in him as far as our relationship and that is not what I want in a marriage. I want to be with someone I can trust completely.

That is exactly how I feel. Thank you for putting it into I will keep repeting those words! That really helps.

Do ya'all retain any guilt from your decision not to take him/her back?

Does anyone regret NOT taking a "cheater" back?

Sounds to me like everyone thathat has taken a "begging cheater" back they have only been hurt again and again!
deleted_user
deleted_user
no matter how hard this is, you have to stick to YOUR feelings, what YOU want. try not to feel guilty, YOU did nothing wrong here. the ones who do the damage here have to realize they cannot play with feelings like yo-yos. and IMO your much better off being alone right now, then being with someone who could so easily say mean terrible things to you. hang in there, but know, whatever you decide, you'll have my support.
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