I know that it is not my job to mend the fences that my sbtx has put up between her and our kids. She left, she cheated, she lied, she can clean up the mess.

respect is earned. respect is taught by being respectful to your children. and it is up to the parent that lives out of the home, to be there for their children, not the children be there for them. your childs lack of respect shown to his father was taught to him by his father because he has shown his child no respect. and it is not your responsibility to make a warm loving relationship between them, it's his fathers responsibility, but your ex lacks the ability to do this, so therefore he blames you. hang in there, you'll reap the benefits of having your children love you, because you love and care for them. screw him if he can't do it on his own.

That might sound Right on the outside, but you really need to look at your Childs Insides...You know that is what counts.

My kids are adults, I was Still trying to repair the damage between their father and them up until I left the state.

I don't Know that my daughter and oldest boy will be able to live with their choices when their father passes on. Their Father deserves their hate-I don't deny that...but my kids don't deserve the burden they will carry.

No, I don't like the thought of them being close to that rat bastard...but, it is better than what I see coming in the next decade or so.

I have also pleaded with stbx to Stop what he has been saying about me...not for Me, but for Them. I couldn't care less, it is my daughter crying and son wanting to kill the man that make me ill.

Our kids, even as adults, don't need to carry these ugly emotions.

Oh my heart aches for your son. Why does the pain have to trickle down to him. So much time has passed since the divorce one would hope the pain has settled to the point that the children would be the bigger focus. Instead we have blaming and and a father not taking responsibility to lead his son. Comfort his son and teach him talk of his pain.

Tami - I don't think divorce is any easier on adult children than it is on young children. What I do know is that if a parent intentionally says maliscious things about the other one - it usually backfires.

I used to make excuses for why the "baby daddy" didn't call or would cancel at last minute - now I jusu say "Call you dad and ask him"

OH how my heart aches for ANY parent that is going through this. I just went through this AGAIN, just this last weekend with my daughter & her father. It used to be my son & his father (same father for all 3 kids). My daughters' father stood back, telling my daughter what to say & she was also yelling & screaming at me on the phone. He does the same thing. Some good "role model" for the kids, eh? They just don't get it & probably NEVER will. Thank god my son is now 18 & he "realizes" that his "anger" & "disrespect" for me when he was growing up was because of his dad. I had a LONG talk with him a couple weeks ago. He told me that I was only a "minute" of his problems & his dad is the "BIG" problem. I just hope your kid(s) (& my daughters as well) will learn & realize that their dad was "evil" & no-good, that the way that I (we) were treated was NOT the proper way. My heart goes out to ALL of you who are going through this, as this breaks OUR hearts to hear "our" kids disrespect us the way they do.

You know how I feel about this issue. These men who claim to love their children yet abandon them emotionally as well as physically reap what they sow. I have seen my kids hurt enough. It's his job to show them it's safe to love them, not mine. I hope that these men wake up and work to repair the damage before it's too late.

Poor boy. Swallow your pride, tell son that you will always be mom, dad will always be dad. Try to communicate to ex husband its in sons interest to have both of you love him. How old is son?

If your son is behaving badly with him but not with you, clearly it is an issue at the dad's home.
I'm glad he finally got that out - but 11 years is a long long time.
Does he have a safe third party to talk to? He must have so much anger.

you are right that it is dad's job and my biggest fear is that one of my children will say what your son said.

I'm sorry. I know this must have been hard for you and your children. I'm glad your son told you how he's feeling. I have this tendency to keep my feelings in too. Dad needs to know how his son feels, he needs to know that his son needs to see him take an interest in him and call in between visitations. Does your son realize that he's lovable and that his father leaving isn't because he's unloved as a son? Maybe counseling would help your son work through some of this pain. If dad doesn't already know how his son feels, he definitely needs to.