Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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He Left

deleted_user
deleted_user
Right now I cannot talk to anyone. I cannot call anyone and tell them my husband packed up and left today. He did this while I was at work and called me before I got home. I am so upset and angry I just want to hurt him. I just needed a place to write and get my feelings out and I found this site.

I have so many things running through my mind. I am not sure what to do. I cannot afford to live here but he said he is still going to continue to pay the mortgage as he has been but can I trust him to do that? On man what am I going to do.

I guess I am rambling but at least I have stopped crying. I have been doing that for the past two hours.

I changed the alarm code but am not sure if that was a good idea. I got the yellow pages out to call the locksmith but I did not do that yet. I am so confused.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Try to calm down for a minute and gather your thoughts. I can see why you are thrown for such a loop.
Make a list of the things you think you may need to take car of right away and things that can wait.
Are you sure this is a permanent thing and not just a spat that is out of control?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Try and stay calm. If it is going to go through with divorce, you should make sure you protect yourself with the lock changes, garage door openers, separation agreements to maintain financial status quo, etc. Do some research online about how to react to these situations. Sometimes it is the opposite of what you may think. I know the more you cry and beg and things the more it pushes them away. If you are strong it helps. (Although it is extremely difficult and easier said than done when this happens, I know).
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just breathe deep and try to gather yourself together. You have very important things to take care of and you need to have your head straight. Get it in writing that he will continue to pay his share...dont let him dick you on that. Listen to 4boys and make a list of what you need to do and do it ASAP. Be strong, you will pull through. Good luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks I actually have calmed down a bit since writing the initial post and due to the fact that may daughter keeps coming to check on me. I will check on-line because I am not sure what I need to do next. I am not sure what my reactions should be. Thanks
deleted_user
deleted_user
There is no set reaction. Everyone reacts in their own way. Being calm is important and dont make any rash changes that cannot be undone, you need to have a clear head. I havent needed to make any changes to my locks, etc because my husband does not pose any type of threat to me. It is a good idea to have some type of an agreement identifying what each will pay for etc. My husband and I didnt have one but eventually I wrote one up for my peace of mind more than anything else. Not every split is ugly and not every spouse is out to screw the other. Just take some time to analyze what is happening and then move forward when your thinking is a little clearer. Knee jerk reactions can sometimes lead to more animosity.
deleted_user
deleted_user
2-14-05, Valentines Day, I went to work as I always did. Our relationship was a little stressed but I thought maybe we could go out to dinner and talk. Figure out how to fix this. When I got home after work I found she had emptied the drawers and closets of all her things and moved in to an apartment she had ready, furniture and all. I understand that shock. I wish you peace of mind so you can get a good nights rest. Here if you need to talk.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks for the support. I am trying to calm down and think through things before I may a crazy decision that cannot be undone. I do not feel that we are in danger from my husband but I feel like I need to hurt him back. Sounds like a child but that is how I feel.

I really thank God for the internet and finding this site and you guys because I am not sure I would be this calm right now if I had not. Thanks.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know sometimes you want to take a shot to make yourself feel better but I think you should save that energy for yourself. Spend it wisely. You'll need it to get through this.
Jo60
Jo60
Wait and see what happens. It is interesting that your first reaction was about the house. Where you happy in the marriage?
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's okay to be angry. I know I would feel angry, crazy, out of control, scared, betrayed, shocked as I did when I went through my separation. I wanted to lash back at my x2b . . . . I hated her for what she did to me, to us, our future, our lives and the lives of our kids. But thankfully I did nothing. I felt my anger and my pain, but I tried not to let my mind run wild with the scary scenarios that I usually go through in times of stress. Those scenarios just make me feel more out of control. And I began to feel better. I see you are already feeling a little better. Hang in there.
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