
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

deleted_user
He just sent this email to me. If you notice, he is using my maiden name (how sweet huh). And where he talks about Autman, well he and I have been friends for years, not just recently.
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To: Jodi Verschueren
Hey just wanted to touch base about the kids. How are they? I thought they was on srping break but i found out that was last week so I am sorry. How are they doing in school? Good I hope. Well all is great here. They weather is kind of crappy but all in all it's good. I know
the kids are not gonna talk to me so I will stop calling until they want me to. Not that I don't care cause I do but I am not talking to
no answering machine anymore. Tell them that I love them with all my heart and then some. Oh ya nice to know that you and Autman talk now
that I am in the same unit too. That's cool though.
Johnny
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He also had to ensure he told me everything was GREAT there. Why does he continue to throw little things out there???? I'm so tired I'm falling back apart.
Here's my response. Haven't sent it yet, but... Opinions. I know the best thing to do would be to not even respond, but...
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Spring break was 2 weeks ago, not last week, and FYI Autman and I have talked for years, so don't flatter yourself, it has nothing to do with you. We didn't just start talking; he's been there for me from the beginning.
The kids will come around. They heard your message the other day and I asked them to call you back and Justen said, "Mom, sometimes sorry just isn't enough. He hurt us real bad." and Tae said no.
Everything here is great. Tae is the star soccer player, Justen is excelling like crazy in school and Lici is National Honor Society. So, no issues, no thanks to you :-)
Take Care and God Bless You.
----------------------------
To: Jodi Verschueren
Hey just wanted to touch base about the kids. How are they? I thought they was on srping break but i found out that was last week so I am sorry. How are they doing in school? Good I hope. Well all is great here. They weather is kind of crappy but all in all it's good. I know
the kids are not gonna talk to me so I will stop calling until they want me to. Not that I don't care cause I do but I am not talking to
no answering machine anymore. Tell them that I love them with all my heart and then some. Oh ya nice to know that you and Autman talk now
that I am in the same unit too. That's cool though.
Johnny
-----------------------
He also had to ensure he told me everything was GREAT there. Why does he continue to throw little things out there???? I'm so tired I'm falling back apart.
Here's my response. Haven't sent it yet, but... Opinions. I know the best thing to do would be to not even respond, but...
----------------
Spring break was 2 weeks ago, not last week, and FYI Autman and I have talked for years, so don't flatter yourself, it has nothing to do with you. We didn't just start talking; he's been there for me from the beginning.
The kids will come around. They heard your message the other day and I asked them to call you back and Justen said, "Mom, sometimes sorry just isn't enough. He hurt us real bad." and Tae said no.
Everything here is great. Tae is the star soccer player, Justen is excelling like crazy in school and Lici is National Honor Society. So, no issues, no thanks to you :-)
Take Care and God Bless You.
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How about saying something like. Yes the kids are still very angry with you but if you stop trying to reach out to them you will just be confirming to them that you do not care/they don't matter/you will continue to hurt them. Don't let him get off so easy.
What did I do so wrong to this man to deserve this treatment? I opened my home back up to him, received him with open arms no questions asked, and he's the one that walked again. So, why do I deserve this crap anymore? I wish someone would knock him upside his damn head!
I am going to lose my mind over this man.
My stbx is the same way with the calls and emails. To him he has done nothing wrong and simply wants to keep the lines of communication open for the sake of his kids. He has offered to help me find a job and even help fund my move when I leave the area next summer. I have learned to respond to him when I feel comfortable and not allow his amiable yet callous behavior upset me. He is moving on and I must do the same thing, otherwise I will drive myself insane.
Only communictae with your stbx when you have to and only about subjects that concern your kids or finances. Him commenting about your friend seemed more like a fishing expedition than any real concern. Trust me when I say I have been there. In time you will know what is sincere and what is not.
Hang in there. We all understand what you are going through and are here to support you through it.
Don't lose your mind, lose him.
Have you gone back to your maiden name? If not are you considering? You could add the comment "How did you know that I have started the paper work to restore my name? Justen wants to change his too and I was going to check in to legally changing all of the kids. You wouldn't have a problem with that would you?"
Ok maybe I am going overboard but Geeez.
Think about that. When he starts to get to you, ask yourself...Is what I'm feeling real for the here and now, or is it the habit of being his wife?
As for the reply, I would stick to facts not emotions. I know it is hard but you will win in the end. And only respond to his questions about the kids. You life is your life now and he does not need an explination. From his message he is wanting to get a rise from you. Like the school house bully, if they can no longer get a response, they will stop trying.
One thing I have done is write the your are a son-of-a-***** letter and saved it in a word document. Then would write a nice email back dealing with the facts about the kids after I was able to vent--even if it was just to myself. There is something theraputic about the sound of madly typing that angry letter.
I've decided not to respond at all. I would love to cuss him out, but it's just adding fuel to the fire. I know he wants to get a rise out of me, since he couldn't with his 20 phone calls. He's used to me jumping for the phone everytime he calls....
My mom said he's lashing out at whatever he can find now because I'm not letting him get to me anymore. Of course he is, but he doesn't know since I'm no longer responding or begging. I wish I could understand why he wants to hurt me so bad? Why can't we just get along? I guess we could have since he sent me an email Fri apologizing, but since I wouldn't answer his calls, he turned back into his other personality and is evil again. WTF? If I would have answered and told him it's okay Johnny, then he'd be nice to me?
My dad on the other hand told me I should email him back and say, "You know what John, you've turned out to be just like your dad, so why don't you leave us alone and just forget about us just like your dad did to you." (Now that would be a low blow since he hates his father. He always said he'd never treat his kids the way his dad did him). I told my dad, "But, I still want my kids to have a father dad." He said, "Jodi, he's never going to be a father to those kids."
He's right. It's so sad that someone can do this to people that loved them with all their heart and did nothing but good for them. He has Charlotte now, so why does he continue to torture me? Because I'm not sending him emails begging him to come back anymore, and I'm not responding to his? He's happy with her and said everything is going great, so why does he continue to talk about things to me besides the kids? His emails should be: How are the kids doing? and that's it! Nothing more. Why can't he just leave me alone, enjoy Charlotte, and let me wallow in my self pity or whatever I'm doing. What does it matter to him!
I know that he brought up Autman because he thinks I'm having him check up on him all the time and let me know what's going on. That's the farthest from the truth. Autman and I talk about God, not about what Johnny is doing. I would never put him in that type of position. His wife and him are both good Christian friends of mine and have been for years. I'd like to knock Johnny off his high horse of thinking everything in the world revolves around him; even my friends! Of course, I am going to ask Autman why the heck they were even talking about me. That should have never came up.
Timeforachange - Your right, I should tell him I'm changing mine and the kids names. It's funny you said that because right before that my oldest (who has always hated him - she's not his) said, "Mom, maybe you should email him back and say - wow, how did you know I was thinking about changing my name back?" That's funny.
I did think about changing my name but my oldest has a different last name, then my two little ones have his last name along with me. If I change mine, we'll have 3 last names in the family. I just didn't want to make it worse for the kids.
Well everyone, thanks for listening to me babble and vent. I appreciate it so much. I just wish I could understand what makes people turn so evil to people that loved them.