No you are not mean or awful. You are human with real feelings. The thoughts that go through my mind, gee I even scare myself. I try to remind myself of Karma. Also you are not alone in the forgiveness department, my feet are not even touching the starting block on that one.

It does absolutely no good to hang onto negative emotions for someone.
It works against you, and it will destroy you from the inside out.

I totally relate to the way that you are thinking. My therapist asked me, just yesterday in fact, what do I get from her being hurt? Revenge, or wanting to get even or win, does nothing good for me. So, do I have those feelings? Yes, do I want to feed them? No. That being said, I am with you on this one, sad to say for me.

devonr I've just posted my journal on this very topic today. Forgiveness you can't feel. You have to just will it. As far as not wanting your ex to be happy, it is that you've held bitterness about the whole thing and of course, if you're miserable, it will make it seem better to see others miserable too. However, you cannot fully move on, until you get to that place called forgiveness. doesn't mean you need to forget, that's not it. Just forgiving the person for their wrongdoing to you, will lift you like nothing else. You will have fleeting times when you wished they'd feel your pain, but letting it go, you'll just feel empathy towards that person and be ok.

i feel how you feel 100 %...i wish for her to get what she deserves

I agree with reply#3. what good will ex's suffering do for you? you still have lost him anyway. the fact that you have emotions towards him means you still connecting to him, haven't let go. forgiveness in our situation actually not to forgive for the sake of the other or karma or kids or else. we need to forgive for ourselves in the first place: to forgive here means - to accept it happenned and there is nothing you can do about it. accept it hapepnned in the past and do not dwell on it in the present and do not let it affect your future. you really do not wish him bad, you just letting out anger - that's a step towards forgiveness, so it is okay to have these thoughts. it is not okay to mean them though. anger is emotion. ill wishing is a negative action. try to find the reasons why his future life shouldn't bother you at all. you don't have to wish him well either, just cut off all your emotional connections to him.

I am suffering from that as we speak. I'm trying to shake it but I really want to see the both of them pay like hell. Oh GOD give me strength!

You are not alone and you are not wrong. I don't feel that my husband deserves any happiness. He has destroyed everything good in our lives because of his lieing cheating ways, why should he be able to live a happy life when he destroyed this one. So I am working on forgiveness.

I feel the same way. I feel if he got hit by a semi I wouldn't' care.

Hugs babe, you already know how I feel.

I feel exactly the same way. I want him to be miserable with his choice because he's made me miserable. I know that I should forgive and let go of the negative feelings for my own sake, but it is so easier said than done. Working on it...but it is a very difficult task.

Let time heal and do you necessarily forgive or just let go? Let go of caring about them and how they are doing. I don't necessarily believe you ever forgive as much as not care about them and move on.

I'm going through this as well, and I'm working on it one day at a time. I tell people that I don't wish anything bad on my husband or the OW because that seems like the mature--better person--thing to say, but deep down I do. Deep down I want them so suffer so much that it's scary at times.

I feel the same way, and I know one day he will fall on his face, karma baby karma!!

I don't feel mean, he was mean to me, and I'm not to him so I know he will get his one day, he is not going to change, and as fars as his OW, she deserves him! I thank her!

I too have had feelings similar to those you expressed, I think it is a natural reaction to our own pain. I do not think those feelings ever go away due to the subconscious feeling that somehow we "lost" in terms of being let go.