On December 25th of this year, he bought me a very large diamond, got on one knee and proposed again. It was the happiest day of my life. We have been married for 18 years, and It made me very happy. He was crying I was crying, the kids were crying. 9 months later, I think how lucky I was to have him and our family. I love him so much. One friday night in June, we were going out of town, we were happy, joking,holding hands etc... The next day his phone rang really early in the morning, he had gone fishing left his phone in the bed, I picked up the phone wondering who was calling him so early. It was the OW. I began to go through his phone and found the txt messages asking her to lunch, a picture of the lake WE WERE ON saying "wish you were here" I was totally devestated. I dropped the phone. I had to keep it together because my kids were around and I didnt want to make a scene. On the drive home I was quiet he fell asleep his phone rings again, I look down, its her again. When we got home I exploded. Kicked him out of the house. Now my world is torn upside down. I have thoughts of suicide constinantly. I am seeing somebody but she is not helping. He comes over to see the kids, when he leaves I sink into a dark world of depression. The sad part is all I want is him to put his arms around me and say I love you, you are my life, we will work through this. We have talked about her, he says nothing happend, but blames it all me, because I had several friends that I talked to over the internet one being a man. He said he talked to her to make himself feel better. I believe he did it to punish me, leaving the messages in his phone for me to find. I dont understand any of this, and Im hanging on by a thread. I am a nurse in a Peds office, and when couples come in with newborn babies, I have a very hard time with that. I cannot concentrate, been making mistakes at work. I love my kids very very much, but I am having a hard time seeing him, and when I dont see him I miss him horribly..Im soo screwed up. His weight loss, new clothes...he says all for me. I want to beleive that..but for some reason I cant. Last weekend he proceeded to redecorate my daughters room, instead of just re-painting he ripped down the walls, the carpet.. So now he is coming over today to work on it. I wanna leave the house sooooo bad, but for some reason my legs are frozen. He says he needs space, and I so want to give him that space, not talk to him, but I am having trouble with that also. I think that is sealing our fate. I think I am going crazy...seriously
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