Its so hard to let her go. I keep going through mood swings which im sure is normal for what im going through. I just thought of her having sex with him and it makes me so mad. These thoughts just pop into my head i cant control it. I think of her telling him how much better he is in bed or some other cruel things that i dont want to hear but i cant control my brain. I hate her and love her so much. I want her back and I want her gone at the same time. All of her stuff is still here and I wish she would just clear out and be done with it, but the thought of her moving out makes me feel bad too. I would just take her stuff to storage locker if i could but she owns this house too and has threatened to take legal action if i do anything to her stuff. What ever happened to her anyway? I was listening to the song 'better man' by pearl jam and it decribes my situation almost perfectly. The lyrics are about a women who lies to her partner and says she loves him, but the truth is that she just cant find a better man and has settled for what she can get. It also says that the women really doesnt want to do these things and that she truly needs him and thats why she will be back again some day. I think its that way with many couples. People settle down and appear to be happy but inside they are feeling like they could do better or could have a better life without them, but they persist in the relationship because they are too affraid of being alone. I cant lie and says ive never felt thats way. I may have felt like I could be with someone who treated me better or who i was more compatible with, but I always felt very fortunate to have her. I loved her so deeply and it only got more intesnse after we bought this house. I thought to myself... I am so happy with this women and I am so truly blessed. Where did it all go wrong? Why did she need to give herself to another man? I want to kill this guy. He knew she was with me and he just wanted a piece of ass. What hurts even more is that I know for a fact that she had sex with me after she had sex with him. I feel so violated by it. He had her. He had my Jessica. I just cant get over it and it hurts so terribly bad. She is probably having wild sex with him right now. Doing freaky things that we never did and she is probly telling him how much better he is than me. I am such a fool for her.
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