I am exactly the same way. I feel like I'm bi-polar or something. One day I will be confident and ready to let my husband go, and the next day I'm weeping and wishing he'd come back. I don't understand it, but it isn't pleasant. I hope you find more and more happy days as time goes on. I'm looking forward to mine.

The emotional rollercoaster is a common theme here. You going up up and then your crashing down to the ground. The only problem is some times it feels like the ride is never ever going to end.

Oh how I understand. I hate those bad days. I am on day 7 with my bad days...hope it changes soon!

Been there, done that. It's been almost a year, and although the hills of the roller coaster are less steep, they're still there. Hang in there - it will get easier!

Even as a kid, I never liked rollercoasters - and this one is the scarest ever...would like to get off now thank you.

same feelings, some days i think ok, ive made it, and then the next, back to the feelings of heartache. i keep coming here to, we will make it.

I've been on this ride for 11 months now...since I dicovered my husband had been having an affair for 5 years!! Yes, 5!
And ,initially i threw him out and began filing for divorce...then the rollercoaster ride changed..and I had a change of heart (long story) and I decided to withdraw the divorce complaint. He begged o come home and after 5 months I said ok... and then I regretted it (back down again) I started to second guess myself..... then I was back up again....he loves me , has changed 100%, and now today I am so far down....lots of triggers coming up and the anniversary of the discovery is New Years.... and I am questioning whether I will ever be happy with him again..because I simply can't get over my sadness....
so..yes, I hate this roller coaster too... every day I change my mind about what to do....

I am ready for this rollercoaster ride to be over with. I am fine if I dont see my stbx. But I saw him Friday, so now I will be up and down for about a week. I cry about 3 times aday. hang in there

I've btdt! Today is a great day but that can turn anytime.

Me, too!!! Yesterday I was able to focus and get a lot of work done. Today I'm afraid I'm going to burst into tears at any moment.

I have been having entire weeks going well and then one little word knocks me out. I am a strong person and this is so foreign to me.

I, too, several times decided to put up walls and I actually envisioned steel walls coming up out of the ground and completely surrounding me, cutting the rest of the world off.

Thank goodness I can come here to express myself without judgment or criticism. It may well be what keeps me sane.

I keep working, and ppl keep talking to me and bugging me and all I want is for everyone to SHUT UP. I don't wanna hear laughter, and I don't wanna see the pouty "Are you ok?" look, and I just wanna be in a hole. Seriously. It's irrational, I know. I come here because when I do, and you guys come in and say "I know how you feel..." you really do....

Sometimes I am afraid that people will think that I am a split personality :-(

My mood tanks...I get my emotions written out and try to move on. Usually I can pick things back up...but I worry that people will wonder Why I am happy...because I WORRY...

Nothing like being a total mess, huh??? :-)

(((Big Hugs)))

Mary,
I too can relate to your day, only too well. In fact, reading your story of your marriage/breakup, it could be mine. Until the part where you never looked back and you have bitterness and hatred. Sweetie, you have to let that go. I have forgave and forgave my hubby, but I couldn't take anymore. I don't have bitterness for him, in fact I hurt mostly because I am not with him. I did have bitterness for my childrens father (first hubby) for the way he'd do the kids. I had to let that go. It wasn't hurting him, but it was destroying me. Let it go honey, it is your past. Be grateful that you have a chance to make a bright future for you and your children and you WILL find a wonderful man. You are in my prayers. If you need to chat...I am here to help. Helping others seems to heal my pain of my hurt.

Ditto.