Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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GUYS -- HELP -- Friendships with Men

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am just about to file for divorce, but my marriage has been over for a long time. I do not want to become bitter towards any men that had nothing to do with the debacle called my marriage, but have not had any male friends for many years. I would like to start meeting new people in general, and men for friendships in particular. The entire reason I am interested in this is to have hope and faith in the opposite sex vs. falling into a depressive pit of anger towards them.

So far, the attempts I have made are less than satisfactory. We meet, get along fine, and then poof. Nothing. I am not sure what men are looking for particularly when it is clearly stated in the beginning that I am after friendship. I am deeply afraid that if this continues, I will stop trying, and will become bitter and angry towards men in general. And I am also deeply afraid that if I don't try at all, I will become bitter and angry as well.

Any advice as to whether to continue trying to make male friends, and if so, how to go about it?
Becky
LarryLDN
LarryLDN
how do you spell dilemma?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Not sure what guys you are meeting and I have no doubt there are some bad ones that are not supportive to you as a human being in the way you want them to be but please know, some of us are looking for the same in women. Here for you if you want to chat.
deleted_user
deleted_user
typically when a guy meets a woman he wants more than friendship. if things don't go well in the romance dept. then we're typically more open to being friends. I had a woman who liked me more than I her, and didn't want to be romantically linked to her, so we're not even friends. that's typically it. it is hard to have opposite sex during and after a divorce. you get mixed feelings and messages all the time. work on you only. the friends will come
deleted_user
deleted_user
JTGPP:
OK, so now I am TOTALLY depressed. Why is it like this? I am all for the romance thing when I am ready, it's just not now. And I don't want to fall into the deep end of the "Guys Suck" pool. Actually, I don't even want to get my feet wet there. This is an emotionally HEALTHY response to my situation. Why do I have to be thwarted???

GRRRRR....followed by rapid pout (and I don't DO pout) :-(
Becky
deleted_user
deleted_user
I may be the exception among men, but I have lots of female friends and made these frienships while I was married. I have been separated 7 months now and still consider all these female friends "my sisters". There is nothing romantic or sexual in any of these friendships. I was raised by my mom and my older sister, though I do have a dad and older brother, lets just say the females were the ones I looked up to.

So my advice, if you want a male friend, he must either be gay or have been raised in a female environment, but I am sure there are exceptions to that rule.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Nothing can be done some guys think that a divorced woman is fair game and that is sad but there is some guys out there that r decent and do not think that keep the faith up the hope and they will show up.
deleted_user
deleted_user
here's what i see that I should have been clearer on. You want companionship, just not romance. Ironically, kas1 is right thinking that way. I too was raised by my grandmother and aunts and had a ton of female friends and do to this day. However, the majority of men, find it difficult to be just friends with a woman, especailly a "vulnerable" one as most are just after a divorce. That's why you WAIT until you are emotionally sound, then you can essentially be strong enough to fight off a man's advances for "more" than friendship. It's the majority out there, but yes, there are a few decent guy's that want only friendship. everyone's typically looking to fall in love, be with someone type thing. that's just the way we're all wired.
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