My situation is that my wife asked me for a divorce a few months back and now we're seeing a mediator, readying our home for sale. Nobody cheated prior to the request for divorce - I'm reasonably sure since I'm the one that travels for work and I haven't cheated.

What you can do to avoid hostility is to try to maintain an atmosphere that is as close to your marriage prior to the request for divorce - don't play games - but treat each other with respect and friendship, to be open an honest with one another as you go through the process, and to realize that if the process becomes a pissing contest you both loose. Finally I would say that in any conversation when you sense things are getting off track - state that back off and mutually agree to resume when you both have cooler heads.

I'm only about 2 weeks into this now. I'm the one who told my wife I want to go ahead with the divorce, and I started getting a lot of hostility.

I basically told her, look, not only is this going to be hard on everybody, but it's going to take 6-12 months for the process to run its course. Let's not make this any harder than it has to be. We haven't loved each other for a long time, neither of us really want to be in this relationship, but we've been married for 17 years. Let's try to bear with each other for a few months more - for the sake of our son and our own sanity.

I told her - we can do this one of 2 ways. We can work together, and try to pull off the divorce with the minimum possible cost, disruption, and anguish. Or, I can leave, we'll both get attorneys, fight each other tooth and nail, and make each other miserable while our entire net worth that we've worked so hard for and that should be the foundation for each of our new lives goes instead to the attorneys. You pick.

One last bit about hostility - the honest truth is that regardless of the situation unless you both asked for the divorce at the same time - one of you is feeling more pain than the other and feeling deserted so some hostility can not be avoided.

Well my situation is different but I can tell you what annoys me. Its her condesending attitude and the way she talks down to me like I am a beaten dog. I also wish that when she moved out she had taken all her stuff instead of coming back for one or two things. Above I hate being lied to when she says she is doing me a favor and I will be better off.

This is a difficult situation because, at least in my case, if you are too nice the stbx starts to think that there is a chance for reconciliation even if nothing was said that would indicate that. I try to keep everything strictly business but listen politely if he feels like sharing something in his life. When he becomes hostile I simply make up an excuse to end the conversation (I have to go in town, my daughter needs something, etc.). I don't think there is much you can do to help the other person through the healing process so all you can do is try not to react in a negative way and understand that they will feel hostile, even if the situation was of their own making.