I\'ll try to keep the story as brief as I can. basically it\'s my fault we\'re apart and I know that and accept that what I did was wrong.. we have been married for 19years.. the last year or so I just felt bad... I couldn\'t and still can\'t put my finger on what was making me feel that way..had the usual screenings for depression and they all said everything looks okay.. in December of last year I suggested we should try some time apart.. she didn\'t want to... so I took as much time to myself as I cuuld while still living in the same house. I made frequent trips to a camp we own and ended up meeting someone from that town.. we saw each other for several months and then in march I decided I couldn\'t stay at home any longer. I moved out and in with a friend. I truely don\'t believe I moved out or made that decision because of the other woman but obviously it made the decision much easier for me. I continued to see the other woman for several more months while seeking a divorce from my wife who desperatly didn\'t want that. she stalled... in July the other woman and I decide to call it quits.. okay she decided.. being with me while I was still married had always been uncomfortable for her and she just couldn\'t take it anymore. obviously an established relationship can\'t compete with the butterflies of a new one..but we had an incredible connection..and it\'s one I can\'t seem to completely walk away from.. we still email some.. So now I\'m lonely as hell but worry that if I decide to go home, and yes my wife still wants that, that it will only be because I\'m lonely..I don\'t feel \"in love\" with her.. I know the feeling fades over the years..and I don\'t know if because I\'m lonely is the right reson to go back.. I still don\'t know why I felt so bad to begin with..and I worry that if I go back for the wrong reason..I\'ll make things worse for her if we end up in the same spot a short time down the road.. I feel horrible everyday.. I\'m basically in limbo and I just don\'t know what to do.. and please no \"you\'ve made your bed\" believe me I know that... I never set out to hurt anyone.. I know I have but it was never my intention.. how do I get me back to a place where I can be happy...
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