I feel like my life is on a continuous reel. Day to day to day...same thing get up kids on bus, feed toddlers, a load of laundry, text or call stbx, get ignored, get down, wonder what the hell the rest of my life is about. I live in the boonies. the only adult i see some days is the bus driver from my kitchen window. Im so lonely i find my self sometimes checking my cell phone for people to call and finding the only one's i could reach would be the pediatrician and my lawyer, who charges...I think at this point, i would go out to dinner with Jeffrey Dahlmer if he asked me to. I don't want this divorce, but i thought it would bring about change and independance and more freedom...why do i feel like a loony cook in my compound. We actually do have a chain link dog kennel thing around our house for the kids...so i do actually feel like im in a protective setting. The days run on and on, and wow...it's been 8 months since he's been gone. Some will say get out there and get a job. I plan to find something, but can't do too much as i dont want to lose my foodstamps etc... with 5 kids on my own, i don't what the heck i can do to make it with out that kind of help. He's paying but it's not close to what we had when he was here, and still thinks im overpaid...anyway, i digress. Just wondering if anyone else out there feels their sanity slipping away at times due to the situation of staying at home alone.
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