I was just dumped by the man I thought I would eventually marry. I have been married before. He's been married before. It had been six years since my divorce, three years since his. His children loved me. My children loved him. He sunk into depression, felt overwhelmed by managing the three children she abandoned and trying to have a relationship with me. He says he loves me. But almost overnight, along with a change in anti-depressants, he became moody and decided he couldn't handle having a relationship and parenting his kids. One child for each of us is handicapped and that is part of what made us become fast friends. I am having a hard time accepting he won't come around after he's worked through some of his own stuff. But I cannot live for that. I have to move on and its terribly painful because I haven't felt this strongly about someone in years. We had met each other's families and had talked a lot about the future. So, while it is not as bad as my divorce, it is nearly as bad and while my depression is in check and I have plenty of support, I feel like I am going through the motions and barely surviving to give my daughters what they need. I feel childish in my grief but I feel like I cannot imagine life without this, my best friend who left. Intellectually I know time will change things. But I am having a hard time letting go. I pray, I distract myself so I am not grieving non-stop because I know there is time to grieve and time to rest. I am nearly physically ill with sorrow, I try not to think it was about me but its not too even though its clear he has a lot on his plate and it cannot be about me totally. But I still feel those feelings of worthlessness and like no one will ever accept me and my children and share our lives. I am very social and verbal and don't need a man to complete but I miss the companionship of a marriage and I thought that is where we were headed. He says we went too fast and he thinks maybe he needs to be single until his child graduates (2 years) but he doesn't want to lose me as a friend. He says I'm a wonderful woman but he wishes we met a few years from now. I'm confused and trying to pretend he's dead so I can grieve him and move on and not hold out hope for long-term, long-shot possibilities of reconciliation. I try to pray but I don't trust God anymore right now.
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