sounds like you are separated (don't know your particular story)...be prepared that any "agreements" you too make verbally may not upheld by him. Prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and financially. The only one you can be sure of right now needs to be YOURSELF.

You are young and your life is just begining. Hold on, things will get better and you have your beautiful children to help you through this, along with all of us here! It really is very hard, but you will get through this:)

Maybe I need to see a doctor, I went the other day and got some anti depression medication but I need something to knock me out at night so I can sleep, and something to make me want to eat to. I look at myself through the last month and right now and I think that I'm pathetic, I don't want to be like this.

You do NOT want to be "knocked out" on sleep medications. You have children at home. Taking too many medications carries great risk! Remember Anna Nicole Smith and her son?

I DID have a nervous breakdown, and lost 30 lbs...um I only weighed 117 to begin with!

What you need to do is find a counselor/therapist to help you gain the tools to deal with everything that is going on in your life, while still caring for your children.

I once again agree 100% with courier!

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What do you want to do ?

Run away ?

Have a nervous breakdown ?

Or confront the husband over this issue ?

Wherever you run to, your problems follow you.

Have a nervous breakdown by all means, don't be scared of 'breaking', you are human after all.

Which leaves the third option - ?

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Thanks Jerri. Look, he's perusing dating sites and he called a girl! Is it worth the turmoil? NO. Work on getting him out asap, and getting yourself some help.

I'm sorry. I like courier's suggestions. Counseling can be helpful.

I just feel like I need sometime for myself to deal with me, and I have an appointment on the 4th but my husband did not give me enough money to pay for it with the therapist.

Is there any way you can live in separate residences? He may or may not have left those things for you to find, but it is really destructive to you. Please don't dwell on it. You will never know why for sure. Please get away if you can in order to protect your heart and your sanity. it will get worse before it gets better.

He can get his own apartment or stay with a friend. You need your space right now and he is taking advantage in a most terrible of ways. He was on a computer dating site!!! He needs to be out and now. At the very least you need to find some strength and set some boundaries.

Do seek counseling, for yourself and marriage counseling if he will go, but don't let him run you down. He certainly doesn't seem to be suffering or half as concerned as you are.

It's harder of course, because you have the kids. You are in a tough spot, but you have to take care of yourself for the kids if not for yourself.

Keep posting and let us know how you are.

Please don't be mislead in thinking that he is going to obey every "agreement" that you make. This is just the beginning. You are better to stay and fight the battle that lies ahead. Eventually you will have to anyway. There are so many distinct phases of loss that you will have to go through and I say "have to" because that is how we heal. I never thought that I could handle any of what happened and I have and I was the most pathetic soul on here, but the days get easier to deal with. Believe in yourself, you don't need to be knocked out by any drugs, you just need to go through these emotions, and talk to everyone here, and read books on divorce and separation. It is time for you to do what is right for you and your kids. You cannot believe the amount of strength you have in you. This may sound silly but when you are feeling overwhelmed take a breath deep into your lower abdoman, remember breathing is healing, breathing is life, exhale fully, take another slow deep breath. Place your hand on your heart, stomach or any other part of your body that seems in turmoil. Breathe into that area and tell yourself:
"Peace. Be Still"
" I am alive, I will survive"
You will survive, and you will be a stronger person.