Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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God Im such a loser...

deleted_user
deleted_user
I just can't seem to shake off what happened to me a year ago and whats happening today. Last year when I was with my ex, we had been together almost 3 months and everything was great, but then one day she started getting distant. Not talking a lot, shying away from me, etc. She reassured me a couple times, but the distance only got worse and then she stopped with the reassurance altogether. So I was left worrying and wondering constantly and being afraid of losing her. This went on for the next 4 to 5 months of our relationship. I stayed tore up and a wreck. Well the girl Im with now I have been with for almost 4 months. Shes getting a little distant but shes been 10 times more reassuring then my ex. But I can't help but think about whats next. This fear is driving me insane. Cause I love her more than I ever loved any ex, and her family has been the closest I've ever had as well. I'm afraid if things just dont repeat themselves, that my fear will drive her away anyway. I'm such loser for feeling this way. She was actually in a physically abusive and even life threatening marriage before me, and she hardly ever worries...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mark, IMO, sounds like you have abandonment issues. If so, you need to work on them with therapy, self-knowledge or etc., or you will always have this extraordinary fear and it will damage your relationships, or cause you to choose people who are abandoners.
deleted_user
deleted_user
not sure that makes you a loser..... maybe makes you afraid, and caring, maybe a little too clingy, if you are looking for a negative that is as close as you are gonna get with these symptoms. i think maybe you should be honest with her and speak to her about your thoughts, fears, etc. you have to be wiling to take her answers at face value, and this involves trust.
deleted_user
deleted_user
RElax .. dont' worry.. give her two days to herself. no emails, texts..etc.. and wait for her to callyou...

Sometimes they just need a tiny bit of space.. on the third day call her or even invite her to brunch...

you are not a loser.. never could be just relax and it will be fine...
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's possible she was distant because the relationship really wasn't what she wanted. Maybe you seemed to want it more than she did and instead of telling you she turned cold. You are pretty young and unfortunately, in this day and age not alot younger women want to be in a committment. It seems here heart is/was just elsewhere. Now, instead of dealing with her you should deal with your own feelings and future.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Don't call yourself a loser. Remember, God doesn't make junk! Whatever has or will happen, you're a person of worth.
deleted_user
deleted_user
a loser? are you a member of the cleveland browns? :) i can guarantee that most have had the same thought.....but remember it's just a thought. find your heart and you will find your inner stregth. deep down, we are all true success's
LisaACOA
LisaACOA
You are definately not a loser!
I agree that you should seek counseling to help with the abandonment issues. I too have them from my Mother and being in an abussive relaionship. Counseling is helping. I still have a ways to go but, I am getting there. I think if she sees that you are doing that it will help the situation too. Good luck to you. If you ever need to talk, I am here for you.

Your friend,

Lisa
abusehurts
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