As I have only come to DS, I am sure not many will miss me, or even notice that I have come and gone. While I did find exactly what I was looking for; others to share my pain, still I realize only 1 week in that I am thinking of stbx way more than I was, reliving all my pain with each story that I read, and simply spending entirely too much time here. As I was praying this morning, so desperately trying to remember names; God I pray for Doug, joybean72, LouieJ,shelleyT,Docabe, Madrocker(even though I think I offended her and didn't mean to and especially because I offended her) and olie69, giddy, and I cant remember everybodies names, I just pray for every single person that is on DS!!!!! I sincerely thank each and every one of you for your time and heartfelt responses to "my Life" It take TIME to care, and what we are all so desperately searching for is the answer to why did the one we loved, not care? Within moments of coming to DS, I realized there are so many stories far more painful than mine. I knew that coming in, and try to always be thankful that my pain is what it is. But honestly as I read of so many struggling financially, dependent upon medication, subject to physical abuse and sadly on and on, I just stop myself and think,"Get on with it" No, I will never understand why my H did what he did, how he could chose sex over me, our marriage, but most of all over his children. While all the advise and "thoughts" are comforting, truly no one here has an answer for me, nor I for you, no matter how hard I try to. I have allowed "mine and yours" to consume my world and I know I have to let go and turn my focus back to 'growth', back to God! I am at my best when I start and end my days in prayer and allow God to be in control. There is an answer to all this, yours too, and it will all come in due time, we must "be still". I have no doubt I stumbled across DS for a reason, if nothing else but see truly how worse off I could be and to tell you my best answers by far have come from prayer and leaning on the one man who will never leave me,God. True forgiveness is possibly one of the hardest things you will ever do if you are fortunate enough to accomplish it. I do forgive my H and while it did not take the pain away, it lifted a ton of bricks off of me. Laying in my bed alone, knowing where he lay, still praying for him, asking God to be with him and to help me wait for the right answers has brought nothing but tremendous character to my being. Allowing him to be involved in the children's lives and smiling my way through every family moment, has been a great experience for me, I can do it! My H sees it, even said to me, you are different, the girls are different, life seems better for you since I am gone. My answer to him, No, not better because you are gone, but because you are gone, this is a mother and three girls, turning to God and getting through a situation the best we can. I always believed God was there, just never totally entrusted Him with my life. WOW what peace it brings. And so my friends at heart, I wish you all well, I will continue to pray for you, I may return, I may not, I may have a miraculous recovery for my marriage, there may be someone else God has in mind for me and my girls, I may continue raising them alone, I just dont know and it's OK, cause, no matter what the sun will come up tomorrow. CHOOSE HAPPINESS
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