
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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This is a statement that gets thrown around a lot especially by therapists. What does it mean to you and what are you needs. Just wanted to see what every ones take is. I was told that my needs were not being met and I did not seem to care. I could never figure out what stbx needs were because she seemed to have it made and never said any thing.
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You can't ask for what you don't know you need, and while it seems like it should be obviouse it isn't always. One persons idea of what love and care should look like don't necessarily match someone elses.
If you need for your SO to offer to help with dinner because that's how love looks to you, then you have to tell them that. If you spend each day saying, I wish hubby would offer to watch the kids for an afternoon so I can have a break, then you have to tell them that.
The flip side is when the person won't tell YOU what THEY need. Not everyone is comfortable doing that, so you have to ask them. "Tell me how you would finish this sentence...I wish he/her would have offered to...." When communication skills aren't good, these kinds of things can take practice.
Never assume you can read each other's mind, that you know what love looks like to the other person and that if your SO wanted something they will ask for it.
But that's just my 2cents worth.
I'm learning from this that my biggest need is communication. My stbx says his therapist thinks he doesn't believe in it and that he needs to decide if he's willing to communicate in a relationship. He let his resentments build up, expected me to read his mind (about things large and small) and told himself that I was selfish if I didn't. Since he never said much, his wanting to the end the relationship has been a total shock. So yeah, for me, communication is my biggest relationship need. Now I'm starting to wonder if men are capable of that--or if I'll find one of the ones who is (if my stbx doesn't decide he wants it with me).
Good luck.
When I had this with my husband...everything else about life was easier to navigate!